What to do to gain one's ex back

a friend broke up with her boyfriend because of some misunderstanding. she tried to explain but he seemed to suspect her making excuses.she has said sorry for many times. they still spend time together sometimes.(without sex as she told me) It seems that he is waiting for her to say or do something. we gals tried to think what she can do to gain him back but it didn’t work. maybe gals and guys are too different, don’t mention western guys and chinese gals. my question is what she can do to make her ex want her again? he is not seeing anyone yet but we assume he will be soon if nothing works out between them in the near future.

Show him that she’s not going to be a psycho would be a good idea. If she’s going to flip out and dump him over a misunderstanding, why would he want her back?

Breaking up over a misunderstanding is like decapitating one’s self to get rid of a headache.

It was an immature thing to do. Perhaps he is waiting for her to show some maturity.

Exactly. Trust is hard to establish and simple to destroy. Apparently she blew it and completely overreacted, acting crazy and irrational and now she has realized that and wants things back the way they were before. It’s not so easy. He’s seen how she acted. Apparently he doesn’t trust her anymore and may be unsure whether she’s right for him after all. The magic is gone and she can’t just snap her fingers and put it back.

Of course it’s possible that they aren’t right for each other. Maybe she tends be emotional, irrational and overreact lots of times. Or maybe she wasn’t overreacting – maybe he’s been acting like a jerk and her reaction was reasonable, but now she’s willing to swallow her pride and accept his faults, but she probably shouldn’t. Maybe they’d be better off each going their separate ways. We forumosans have no idea whether each of them is better off with or without each other.

But if she does want to get back with him, she’ll have to rebuild the trust, the spark, and the relationship slowly, slowly, slowly. Don’t go wacko on him. Don’t threaten, plead, lecture, stalk, follow, spy, nag, etc. Instead, after explaining to him that she blew it, that she acted foolishly and she’s sorry about it, she needs to be kind, patient, friendly, caring, supportive and, most importantly – SEXUAL. Damnit, she needs to jump his bones, tear off her clothes, coat her body in oil, rub all over him and fuck like a rabbit!!!

Just kidding about that last part (though it probably couldn’t hurt). But the point about being slow and patient (in other respects) and not being emotional, persistent, nagging and crazy is important.

My god, people, this one’s so simple to answer. She just needs to wear sexy clothes and seduce him. I don’t see what’s so difficult about that.

That would establish a precedence for a sex partner, not for a relationship. The girl wants a relationship.

Physically seducing him only cheapens it.

Sorry, is there a difference?

Yeah, in the sense he doesn’t have to pay for it, but it can be fun for both parties too, right?


Once the worm is in your heart, it’s over. She should move on.

sugar cane,

your “friend”, just needs to pretend she doesn’t want him.

talk trash about him, dis’ him like nobodys’ business, poke fun at him directly, make fun of his outfit-his hair-his cheap cologne,

get into a ‘slap fight’ with him at all costs.

yeah, just when it’s right…oh, slap,…oooh, tickle,…ooh, snide comment…oh, yes,

kiss him!!

it’s as simple as that. if a girl wants to let a guy knows she wants him/wants him back…just plant one sister. job done.


She needs to open her mouth. Women are so stupid. “I can’t tell him that.” Well if you don’t, then it is your fault he doesn’t know.
She needs to tell him exactly how she feels. That she knows she was a fool. That she feels horrible for it. That she loves him and misses him and learned from being a jackass. And that she will work on being a more patient, less 78 girlfriend.

Be prepared. A serious answer from irishstu:

The poor guy doesn’t know where the hell he stands now. He thought he was doing things right, but then got dumped. How does he know it’s OK to “get it on” again?
Even though the girl may have apologised, the guy will still not know for sure that it is OK to go out again, unless the girl says so, VERY CLEARLY.

Also, it is entirely possible that he is hurt, and does not want to get dumped again. I have never accepted a girl back after breaking up, btw. Breaking up is not something you should do unless you are sure you want to do it.

As far as the guy knows, they are just friends now. The girl needs to act NOW before he gets another girlfriend, or starts to think of this girl as a friend only.

As mentioned before, dressing up a bit sexy and kissing him will make it pretty clear where things stand, though he may be a bit confused after the first kiss. If he asks what’s going on, then of course this is the perfect time for the girl to explain what she wants.

And for god’s sake don’t ever break up with him again unless it’s absolutely final!!!

I think SAF has a valid point . . . more talkies from the girlies, just don’t do it while the footy’s on, while we’re drinking, when there’s mates around . . .


[quote=“irishstu”]How does he know it’s OK to “get it on” again?
Even though the girl may have apologiesd, the guy will still not know for sure that it is OK to go out again, unless the girl says so, VERY CLEARLY.[/quote]

Yep. We’re good at some things, but telepathy is usually not one of them.

sorry, I didn’t make it clear. I was listening to her for the whole night. decided to ask what all you think this morning since I’ve got some good advice here before but had to run out for work.

my friend never had a foreign boyfriend before. she was afraid that he might leave someday so she didn’t want him when they just met. she was also worried that foreigners are too popular here. she didn’t want to compete with other women although she is very attractive. after few months they met, they became boyfriend and girlfriend. I think both of them were insecure. He thinks she doesn’t like him although they have been dating for more than 6 months.

one night they went out. a friend of her friend said he liked her and pstered her. he was jealous. two guys almose got in fight while all of them were drunk. few days after, he decided to break. she accepted. that’s the whole story…well, can’t tell teh story too detail or people who know them will figure out who they are…

by the way, it wasn’t me. my SO and I are cool… :wink:

Snippets from two posts:

Hmm. Sounds like she didn’t really want to break up in the first place, but he either did or was testing the waters and she jumped overboard. For the record, I’ve seen the “breakup” used here many times as a power play, and I’ve even known girls who’ve said, “Well, I’ll just ignore him for a while. That will make him come around.” Might work for local guys who are used to doing doggy flips in a dating culture where everything is kept deliberately gray, but it don’t work that way where I come from. Things tend to be a bit more black and white among foreigners – saying you want out means you want out and breakups are usually final. I only ever got back together with one girl that I broke up with. Well, I married her, but that’s beside the point, because she’s the only one I married, er got back together with, er you know what I mean. Usually the sheer mention of breakup is an indication that things are serious and an invitation for a sit-down and a heart-to-heart. Sounds like that’s long overdue. Could already be too late.

Now that you put it that way, your friend might be better to move on. Sounds like the entire relationship is a bit too immature to mess with.

Sorry, is there a difference?


Yeh, there is for me. If I was in this situation and the girl tried to work out the relationships with me on an intellectual / pychological level, then we’d perhaps be dating again, but if she dumped me and then tried to seduce me, I’d regard it as an open relationship. We’d still be broken up, we can be physical, but it doesn’t prevent me from starting up something with someone else.

If all this girl wants is a physical relationship, then I think the suggestion of physical rather than pychological seduction as appropriate, but I was under the impression that she wanted the guy back for a “normal” relationship.

Even worms turn.

He broke up with her.

That’s different than she broke up with him over a misunderstanding.

If she really wants him back, she should ask him out and say what she wants. And if he doesn’t want to stay with her then, she should accept it and move on.

Why does she want him back?
I knew a girl who broke up with her ex for several times but made up too.
She didn’t want him to have a new gf.(not for loving him )
As for him,he just wanted a sex partner.(He told everyone the girl is REALLY INTO sex with him :astonished: he obviously values his gf sexual prowess a lot.So he enjoyed himself in this situation.Of course,he said “I love her.Broke up with her for good is bad.”(Er…made us sick) :aiyo:
Strange lovers… :saywhat: I don’t think what we can say. :loco: