What to do when your kid is being called "like a freak"?

Taiwan Parenting
1

My son was all upset and depressed as I picked him up at the local school he has been going to for 2 and a half years. After he was calmer in the car, he told me that because he was wearing the handkerchief covering his nose and mouth that I had asked him to do this morning to reduce the inhaling of the bad air due to the dust storm from China, the teacher who was leading the students who were walking home had tried to tell who he was and said to him, “Why are you wearing that? You look like a freak!” He was very embarrassed after that as a lot of kids laughed after what the teacher had said.

I was quite upset and don’t really know what to do about this? Am I over-reacting? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

2

[quote=“Ginny”]the teacher who was leading the students who were walking home had tried to tell who he was and said to him, “Why are you wearing that? You look like a freak!” He was very embarrassed after that as a lot of kids laughed after what the teacher had said.

I was quite upset and don’t really know what to do about this? Am I over-reacting? What would you do if you were in my shoes?[/quote]
I would schedule a meeting with the teacher and the principal the same day. I would point out that the teacher’s behaviour was inappropriate, and would not leave until they acknowledged the same. But then again, I’m a freak. :idunno:

3

As Maoman said.

Ask for clarification over the schools policy on teachers calling children humiliating names.

4

[quote=“superking”]As Maoman said.

Ask for clarification over the schools policy on teachers calling children humiliating names.[/quote]
And point out that a woman in Hualien just got fined NT$6,000 for humiliating someone.

5

[quote=“sandman”][quote=“superking”]As Maoman said.

Ask for clarification over the schools policy on teachers calling children humiliating names.[/quote]
And point out that a woman in Hualian just got fined NT$6,000 for humiliating someone.[/quote]

I hear you! Since both names begin with “f”, I figured my son should get paid by the teacher. And maybe get $3,000 from each of those who laughed. :wink:

6

[quote=“sandman”][quote=“superking”]As Maoman said.

Ask for clarification over the schools policy on teachers calling children humiliating names.[/quote]
And point out that a woman in Hualian just got fined NT$6,000 for humiliating someone.[/quote]

Good point. If in the meeting the principal and teacher don’t walk away in agreement that its unacceptable, a bit of court action on that very same law might be a Plan B move.

7

[quote=“sandman”][quote=“superking”]As Maoman said.

Ask for clarification over the schools policy on teachers calling children humiliating names.[/quote]
And point out that a woman in Hualian just got fined NT$6,000 for humiliating someone.[/quote]

I had intended to include that in my original post, however given that this is Taiwan, that kind of comment will probably detract from the OP’s argument. The school might take that as a threat, at which point they will jump up and down.
I’d ask for clarification on the policy then wait for them to attack each other (teacher and head teacher that is). Don’t give them an inch, because that’s what they will look for before they apologize.

Not that I’m projecting on the Taiwanese or anything. :smiley:

8

I would suggest a few sharp yet subtle words with the teacher involved.
Personally, I always instruct my son (and will soon do so with my daughter) to not worry about letting the freak flag fly. Be themselves, that’s all that is needed.
Esp. in this society, where straying from the herd in even the most mundane matters is looked at as social deviancy. A loose nail with must be hammered back in forcefully, in plain sight of all the other nails. It’s not my fault the gingerclan emblem is a mound of bent nails, … :wink:
I would let your son know that it’s ok to stand out from the crowd.
One would hope that the laughers are at home now with itchy mucuous membranes.
Poor blighters. :grandpa:

9

I agree with what was said above, talk to the teacher involved and the principal if needed. Make sure it never happens again.
Let us know how this resolves.
Good luck.

10

if it takes being a freak to protect yourself from toxic pollution, then so be it. I’m a freak. But of course you could buy a pink “hello kitty” face mask and make him wear it to school every day so that he would look “normal” here.

By the way, I also agree that an immediate meeting is needed. The teacher should be repreminded and the students who laughed should see it. It’s never acceptable for a teacher to humiliate a student. It’s not a trivial situation.

Please post the results of the meeting. And if you don’t mind, tell us the city and the name of the school so that the socially active forumosans can follow up on the story.

11

what did she say in Chinese? what i can’t understand is how a kid having their nose and mouth covered up could be construed as strange, it would seem to be a pretty ordinary thing herabouts.

12

I was totally expecting to read about one kid calling another a “freak”.

But THE TEACHER called the kid a “freak”?!!

That is unacceptable, mean, and something this kid will take with him for a lifetime. Words can really scar a kid. The fact it was the teacher is just outrageous. This person should be fired. They have no place “teaching” kids. What is this teacher really “teaching” seeing as this was done if front of the other students?

I don’t care if your kid showed up to school wearing flippers and a tutu, there is no way I would let this slide. I would have slammed on the breaks and made a u-turn right back to the school to confront this “teacher”. “Teacher” my ass. They wouldn’t be “teacher” anymore if I had my way.

This person (I can’t even refer to them as a “teacher” anymore) needs to learn a lesson.

Best of luck,

JM

13

it really depends on what she said in Chinese.

It sounded like she meant it as some sort of joke and didnt realise that she was hurting your son’s feelings.

So perhaps you could just have a gentle, private word with her and explain why what she said was not entirely appropriate.

14

I can’t understand why your son wearing a bandana across his face would be something ‘freakish’. Aren’t the Taiwanese known for wearing masks year round for anything.

:loco:

15

Do you really think a bandana will help. Just as there was something called black lung for miners, there was something called white lung for people who worked in textile mills.

I would think that any bandana does not have pores fine enough to filter out the pollutants - same for those hello kitty masks or even a surgical mask.

Wearing it strikes me as only making yourself feel better - or in this case not better.

I would talk to the teacher about his comments, but I would be diplomatic about it. You’re hearing things second hand…

16

[quote=“lupillus”]it really depends on what she said in Chinese.

It sounded like she meant it as some sort of joke and didnt realise that she was hurting your son’s feelings.

So perhaps you could just have a gentle, private word with her and explain why what she said was not entirely appropriate.[/quote]I agree, at least as a first step. I think the comment may well not have been meant maliciously, and was probably just a bit thoughtless and flippant. Approaching her gently and in private would give her the space to apologise. If after that she stubbornly refused to make any kind of apology, that would be the time to get more formal about the complaint.

17

Hard to believe a teacher would call a student a “freak.” More likely to have been “strange.” There’s a huge difference.

If you send your kid to school wearing something that looks funny or is different, the kid is going to get laughed at (well, by the kids at least, but one wouldn’t expect the teachers to engage in this). Not fair or nice, but that’s life.

18

In taiwan? why do they do that? where the average person’s sense of style and fashion and couture and clothing-combination is somewhere between non-existent and farcical.

let’s all stop for a while and point out all the people who look like freaks. No, wait, i don’t have a spare 40 hours per day to indulge this little fantasy. and why bother? not like you’ll achieve anything…

make the teacher eat chalk.

19

Thank you so very much for taking the time to give me all the wonderful suggestions. To be a half time stay-at-home mom with 2 kids and a half time E.T. I somehow managed to talk to the teacher who had called my son a freak (怪胎- Guai-tai), talked to the head of the detention office, and a meeting is due to take place when the three of us and the principal could all meet together to discuss this matter.

It turned out that my son not only was wearing a bandana, but a paper hat that he had made at school that day. The teacher called me right after I called whoever at school to have someone who should take care of this matter call me. She greeted me with, “What’s the matter?” as she knew who I was and what had happened. That made me flip straight away. I right away said, “What’s the matter? YOU tell me what’s the matter!” She said that she could not tell who the student wearing a white hat was and she asked why he was wearing that after she recognized that it was my son. And I confronted, "That was it?! You didn’t call him a “freak”?” She then said yes she did. I could not believe my ear since I was hoping she didn’t. I said to her what’s the point of calling him any names at all. And she said that she DID ask him why he was wearing that… I flipped again! I said why would that be anyone’s business anyway if he wasn’t hurting anyone in doing that but she was hurting his feelings and humiliating him in front of others by calling him a freak. She said, “I am sorry, okay?” And guess what, that somehow was not okay.

I confronted her further and pointed out how my son had informed me of her calling kids idiots or morons for not knowing how to hold a recorder and/or not passing the tests since she is also the music teacher for my son’s class. She repeated the same, “I am sorry, okay?” I could not take it any longer with her reaction, dinner on the stove, little one running around, and my son trying to listen to the conversation. I said, “Have whoever at school, your supervisors or whoever, give me a call after you tell them what happened a.s.a.p. and have them schedule a time for a meeting. I am furious! I can’t talk to you another minute. I have to hang up before I go crazy on you.”

So, that’s what’s been going on with this matter. I was the bandana, PLUS the paper hat my son made made him a freak. I checked with a few people to see if being called “Guai-tai” in Chinese was not as bad as I thought, and they all said it was quite bad plus it was from a teacher to a student.

Keep the good advice coming… I am not thinking about getting paid but I do want her to clearly know how her thoughtless behavior had caused the bad feelings and how it might be a label that my son might remember for who-knows-how-long. I will keep you updated with the result from the meeting.

Oh, I was thinking about wearing the hat (it was nothing freakish and quite brilliant) and the bandana to the meeting. And yes, the bandana WILL make me feel better for screening the bad seed (the teacher) some, mentally. :slight_smile:

20

Ginny,

I also asked my motherinlaw about the Chinese thing, she said, if they had said something like “Oh, hou chi qui” it would have been kind of “OK”, especially in a friendly joking way, but anything like “gui wu” or “gui tai” is not in anyway OK.

About any financial compensation, I got financial compensation for someone’s stupidity yesterday, if it’s offered and you accept, don’t let them try to turn it into “oh we paid you you are compensated, how good we are to you…” you know how they may try to talk you into believing they never did anything stupid, cos you have money now.

Good luck!