Related to hyper-helpfulness ([url]Why do Taiwanese people insist on helping? are the no-brainer questions from many Taiwanese people, usually beginning with "Do you know
No, I don’t know the foreigner who just passed by.
No, I’m not American.
No, I’m not an English teacher.
No, I don’t know whether OJ did it or not…
To tell you the truth, the worst question-series usually come from Americans. One example from me:
- where are you from?
- xxxx
- Oh, you’re from Australia?
- No, I’m from XXXX
- Is that a food?
- No, it’s the name of a country.
- Really? Where is it?
- blah-blah-blah-blah…
- So, you are Russian?
- No, I’m xxxxian.
- But you speak Russian there?
- No, we speak xxxxian.
…
- So, when are you going back to Ukraine?
-I’ve never been to Ukraine, I’m from xxxx!!!
:raspberry:
But Taiwanese people usually ask things like:
- How do you like Taiwan?
- Is it very cold in your country?
- Do you teach English?
- You have a cold, would you like a special Chinese massage for that ((that was a guy in a bus, I almost hit him))
- No, not every German drives a BMW or Mercedes
- Yes, they are very good cars
- Yes, they’re expensive in Germany as well
So, Notsu, where are you from?
No, but almost…
Still not as expensive as in TW. They can cost as much as a house in the 'burbs.
No, this is not my real hair (when I had braids).
No, it just looks short because it is curly, but I can stretch it out. (still talking about my hair, you perverts)
No, you cannot touch my hair.
Because I ate cookies and candy all the time, just like you do now. (Not true, but hey, what’s wrong with a little bit of scare tactics when there’s a question of nutrition 
)
Yes I can; don’t be too surprised. Foreigners can learn Mandarin too.
Yes, I did go there all by myself without a tour group. No, I wasn’t scared.
Because my mommy and daddy have dark skin. The same reason why you look like your mommy and daddy.
No, I don’t taste like chocolate.
No, I’m not from India.
Yes, I do speak English.
No, I can’t teach your brother/sister/cousin/neighbor/neighbor’s kid/son/daughter/dentist/pet hamster English.
When I’m inclined to answer a little untruthfully.
“Yes, there’s so many sheep that we have 20 each, and keep them in the house.”
“We speak Maori”.
Brian
Yes, I am “used to” eating Chinese food.
My blood type is O. Why, are you a vampire?
No, I don’t know my prescription. Ask my optometrist.
Yes, I promise I won’t translate it word-for-word; I will convey the meaning instead. [I don’t know how many times clients have told me how to do my job as a translator.]
Yes, my hair curls naturaly when it is humid.
Because my wife and I don’t want to have kids. As if it’s any of your business.
No, I didn’t make any reservations. I looked for a hostel when I arrived in xxxland.
A hostel is like a cheap hotel for budget travellers.
Yes, they exist.
“Buhaoyisi, wo shi Erguoren, wo bu hui jiang yingwen”.
“Because I’m too busy to even comb my hair, let alone make it look presentable enough for a date.”
If I’m really feeling snippy, I prefer “Because every time I ride your Mum she gives me a cookie.” 
I even have a set line in broken Maori for that one, in case they persist - “Kaua e korero Te Reo Pakeha” - roughly “I don’t speak English”
No, not everybody has a watch.
Yes, they are expensive too.
No, I won’t buy you one, when I go back.
No, my parents don’t worry about me being here all alone.
No, I’m not a buddhist. I just don’t eat meat!
Typical conversation:
“Are you American?”
(No, I’m English)
“I have friend who study in England”
(Oh really, that’s nice)
“Is London foggy everyday?”
(I don’t know, I dont live in London. But it’s not as bad as Taipei)
“You don’t live in London?”
(No, I don’t live in London. I live in Taipei (Pedantics encourage confusion)
“Everything in England is so old, right?”
(Yes, but we have new cars every year).
“Eh? Older than Taiwan.”
(Yes, probably).
“Is England older than America?”
(Yes).
“I have been to America.”
(Really, well that’s nice)
“England is so cold, and raining right?”
(Not always, no. Ask your friend who studied there).
“Do you know the Royal Family?”
(No, I dont. I’m normal).
“Have you met the Queen?”
NO, I HAVE NOT MET THE QUEEN!
Americans - you too are guilty of the latter question!
I know they are just curious, but embarking on the same conversation every couple of days on the MRT takes the piss
If I had wanted to tell everybody where I’m from, I wouldn’t have spelled it xxxx. If not knowing that doesn’t let you sleep, you can send me a pm and I’ll answer it. 
And more:
-Yes, all the girls in my country look just as beautiful as me - we are all small and very blond and have a complexion of a frozen chicken.
-No, we don’t have Halloween. No, I don’t like Halloween.
Taxi Driver: Wow, your English is really good!"
Me: It should be, I’m American
Taxi Driver: No, you’re not.
Me: Ya, you’re right, I’m not. :s
Taipei traffic police officer: Your driver’s licence and registration please? (Perfect English, I think he had been practicing all day for the chance to use it on a foreigner and impress his fellow officers.)
Me: Oh Shhhhiiiiiit-under my breath,
Me: Pardonnez moi? (Pardon me?)
TTPO: Gan-under his breath.
TTPO: May I see your driver’s licence and registration, please?
Me: “Liceence” in my best Peppe le Peux approximation, pointing to the licence plate.
Me: “Liceence” in my best Peppe le Peux approximation, pointing to the licence plate.
Me: “Liceence” in my best Peppe le Peux approximation, pointing to the licence plate.
TPPO: “No, this,” starting to take out his wallet to show me his drivers licence.
Me: Vous le vous couchez avec moi, se soir? (Speaking rapidly–my French is horrible.) Jean-Luc et asis sur la bicyclette. Le singe et asis sur d’un arbre. Mantenant, Jen-Luc pousse sa bicyclette. Le singe et assis derriere lui. (Fragments of a chapter from a grade school French text I did not learn very well, obviously. I think it means: “Jean-Luc is sitting on his bicycle. The monkey is sitting in the tree. Now Jean-Luc is pushing the bicycle and the monkey is sitting behind him.”)
TPPO: Gan-ma–not under his breath, while his fellow officers try to stifle their laughs.
TPPO: Jia Dzau, la! Gei wo kan ni-de Jia Dzau!
Me: Pardonnez moi. Je ne pas parle Chinois. (Sorry, I don’t speak Chinese.) Vous le vous couchez avec moi, se soir? Jean-Luc et asis sur la bicyclette. Le singe et asis sur d’un arbre. Mantenant, Jen-Luc pousse sa bicyclette. Le singe…
TPPO: Get the F*** outa here, or that’s what I think he was saying.
Speaking about daily conversations? Here is mine:
“Oh, your Chinese is so good.”
Well, no…
“How long are you in Taiwan?”
A little over 2 years all together.
“Oh, you only studied Chinese for 2 years, wow!”
I must now perform my duty as an American:
Dangermouse, have you met the Queen? 