Why do men blame the other man, and not the girl?

I never got that. In another thread on here some schlamiel was bragging about banging other guys’ wives, and an intelligent, educated, gentleman of a Forumosan said that if it were his wife, he would cut off a certain appendage of the poster and mail said appendage to said poster’s mother. Ahem.

In one of the weirdest moments of my life, I was with a friend who caught his girlfriend cheating on him, nearly red-handed so to speak. She and the guy came out the bedroom fastening buttons and zippers as we were walking upstairs. Neither made any attempt to deny what happened and the guy looked very embarassed (she didn’t). My friend was a big guy, and a hell of an athlete, and it took all my strength to restrain him and drag him out of the house. He hit my arms and chest several times as he struggled and I had bruises for weeks. It wasn’t until later that I convinced him his anger was completely misplaced. He didn’t really know the “other guy” in question and they certainly weren’t friends. The only betrayal was from her. He did break up with her once he calmed down enough to make coherent speech and dial numbers on a phone, but it still took me some time to convince him to let the other guy alone completely (he kept saying he wanted to at least slash his tires). There’s always gonna be dudes sniffing around for some action. They’re a force of nature. The only relevant issue is whether the gal is gonna be faithful or not.

It seems like most women are sensible enough to blame the cheating boyfriend/husband, but I think a lot of guys’ first instinct is to blame the other man, even when they don’t know him from Adam. So my question to you good folks is this: Why?

The only thing I can think of is misplaced anger. Shifting the blame from where they know it belongs to a target they (usually) care nothing about. Or, they think of their girlfriends/wives as being weak-willed and unable to control themselves. Other than that I can’t think of what it might be.

Any ideas?

This is something I’ve wanted to know for a long time too. I was in a similar situation once, however my anger was at the lady on question rather than the other guy. Other people found that odd…

Never rub another man’s rhubarb.

I had the same reaction from guys in high school in those inevitable “what would you do if” conversations. When it got to “what would you do if some guy was boning your girl,” I’d say, “Break up with the girl.” When asked how many bones in the guy’s body I would break, I’d say, “None. I don’t give a shit about the guy, unless it was a friend.” They were always shocked. :astonished:

Well in the words of a Taiwanese bloke I knew that used to prowl the Shi Da area with his mates looking to bash foreign blokes paired with Taiwanese lasses: “We really, really wanted to thump the chicks, but that would have been uncool.”


if it happened to me ?? i would definitely without a doubt have done something to the guy, and break up with the girl…

as for your question on why most of us blames the guy than their cheating girlfriends is that to my understanding is its much easier to do. If your friend still wants to keep the girl, even after getting them caught. Then for sure he wants her to know that he is seriously furious about it. But i suggest your friend leaving the girlfriend. Unless your friend wants be hit by a hammer in the head again. Which probably will happen again .

Well, certainly if the guy were someone I knew, he’d be going to a hospital. But otherwise, I’d agree that I’d be focussing the blame/hate on the girl.


Unless of course he was bigger than you.

It’s not really about punishing anybody, it’s about proving yourself. Some other guy manages to woo your woman away from you so you ‘prove’ you’re better than him by beating him up. Why was your woman cheating on you with a guy who is not as big and strong as you? Because she doesn’t think that sort of neanderthal behaviour is very attractive. What’s so great about beating up the little guy?

Sometimes women do go for the big hairy animal instead of you with all your wit, charm and understanding. Then you’re going to get a serious kicking if you persist in this chest-beating idiocy. Whoever gets beaten, what does this achieve, unless she’s one of those wierd creatures that gets off on having men fight over her. ie she has the power.

Perhaps a smarter response would be to ask yourself why she cheated instead of blaming some complete stranger for your own inability to satisfy whatever part of her led her to do this.

The conclusion should be that either YOU need to change in order to make her not want to stray, or you need to change HER. Trade her in for someone whose expectations match your qualities, or else chain her up and never let her out unescorted. The other guy is irrelevant, in most cases.


It seems like most women are sensible enough to blame the cheating boyfriend/husband, [/quote]

Not always true. A lot of women, will blame the boyfriend/husband, but rather than risk the relationship, she direct all that hostility toward the other woman. Partly because it’s right and because she can’t fully express it to her man.

What I want to know is what gao-bo-han was doing going “upstairs” with the guy for in the first place? Maybe THAT had something to do with the girlfriend’s dissatisfaction. :laughing:

(Only jerking you off, gao-bo-han. I mean yanking your chain … oh, never mind. Vodka.)

I think it is hard to blame someone you love for hurting you. I think it is easier to blame someone else. If it wasn’t the person you loves fault, it isn’t a full betrayal. If you have to give responsibility completely to your lover it hurts more.

[quote=“sandman”]What I want to know is what gao-bo-han was doing going “upstairs” with the guy for in the first place? Maybe THAT had something to do with the girlfriend’s dissatisfaction. :laughing:

(Only jerking you off, gao-bo-han. I mean yanking your chain … oh, never mind. Vodka.)[/quote]

Oh come on, EVERYBODY has had that ONE experience or two or three…

A man, discovering his lady has indulged in another, refrains from taking it out on the main guilty party, as he expects to have sex with her later.
It’s far more politically correct to wreak vengeance on the male, than to berate (and possibly lose) the female.

Under natural law, both guilty parties would lose in an equal fashion.

I usually thank the guy, since it allows me to cheat with a clean conscious afterwards. Not to mention it gives ample excuse to lay blame solely on the woman for your eventual breakup without looking like a heel.

Brilliant! :notworthy:

Although I can’t blame guys for wanting to give the male a proper beat down, I would like to think I could just walk away because neither of the people are worth my time. The other guy often knows the girl has a boyfriend, guess it depends if the other guy likes the girl or is just shagging. To add salt to the wound, the imposter was shagging her in the his bed, probably eating his food and watching his tv too! If one makes a habit of sleeping with girls that have boyfriends, he can expect to get his ass kicked.

There’s a third party also worthy of some blame: if your girl is seeking out others, you have to ask yourself how you may have been responsible - not the easiest one to blame, I know, but accepting responsibility is what puts you back in control of a situation.

Plenty of time for that after you’ve left the real guilty parties in a shrieking and bloodied mess.


What would a guy do to be responsible for his girl cheating on him?

Why do you have to choose?