This is becoming a major problem in my life - help being forced on me. Why do they insult and humiliate me.
The big one is “you must follow me in your car”. I have been here 4 years and can read a Chinese map. Why do we have to meet somewhere stupid when I can find the destination myself.
The other recent one is where my wife, her daughter and fiancee agree, without asking me, that I need help to find somewhere to park!!!
I guess normal western courtesy - “can I help you” does not exist in Taiwan.
It’s considered polite for family to help you with stuff. Especially with parking since it’s often difficult to find. Usually if you politely refuse(multiple times) they get the picture. Why do you see it as insulting and humiliating?
To the Western mind, the implication is insulting–you’re too stupid to find it by yourself, you need help. To the Taiwanese mind, it’s politeness to a guest. As you say the answer is to politely refuse until someone gets the picture. Just going along will drive you nuts. You may be considered a bit “kho-dok” but you can take solice in how overbearing the Taiwanese are in their politeness. Just don’t get lost You’ll never live it down
Very much them being polite and kind. If you know the way, just tell them you will meet them there. For yourself, it took alot to know and learn how to get there, which is an accomplishment. If you do know the way, meet them there. If you get lost, call them and ask for directions. If you really want to have fun, always get lost, and always call them. You can see some great parts of the island doing this, and have fun in the process.
Yeah, I’ve experienced the same thing. Once while staying with relatives in Tainan, I announced I was going off sightseeing by myself for a few days.
This caused great a great deal of worrying and concern about the household. After several repeated invitations for various relatives to accompany me (just about the last thing I would want), I just left, leaving everyone dumbfounded and shocked. It was if I had just announced I was off to shag a water buffalo.
After a few such episodes, I think they’ve gotten used to me. They shrug now and say “waigworen.”
To the Taiwanese mind, it’s politeness to a guest<<
In my mind, it is very telling that Taiwanese think any non Taiwanese in Taiwan must be a guest. The is very disturbing and to deal with this situation is indeed humilating.
No they don’t. Now they say: “I wish he’d leave those water buffalo alone. It’s downright embarrasing and one of these days he’s going to get himself trampled.”
No they don’t. Now they say: “I wish he’d leave those water buffalo alone. It’s downright embarrasing and one of these days he’s going to get himself trampled.”[/quote]
It’s more like: “Thank god he is finally leaving our chickens alone.”
It is not always we know everything, and it is very nice of our Taiwanese friends and family to help us out. It seems that they think we are unable to learn.
Digression:
Back were I lived before moving to Taiwan, it seemed like every taxi driver was from another place in the country or from abroad. Is it that the local just stick to their own neighbourhoods, and the “new guys” actually learn to know the city?
Anyway. after installing a NTD 10 compass on my dash on my 405 that had 10 year ago, I was able to find almost everything with support of a map.
-Now I just have to shout to my “map-reader” - left or right??? She just have to turn the map in the direction we are moving, and then everything is OK - we will find it before next year.
Anyway, accept the service when needed, and show your knowledge when necessary.
I had a funny thing happen to me yesterday after spending the day in Yulin. A Taiwanese friend of mine asked me to follow her back to the freeway (there was 3 cars following each other) so that I wouldn’t get lost (I found the place ok, they all got lost twice), on the way back she made a wrong turn but I kept driving then called her to tell her she made a wrong turn and then GAVE HER directions to the freeway, which I was just getting on to.
It makes me smile when they all marvel at my ability to read street signs!!!
If it’s something as simple as driving, no big deal. Just take it and move on.
But when they start giving unsolicited advice on how you should live (whether it regards work, relationships, home life, etc.) then I can see why a Westerner would get miffed. I always do. Once, a female local coworker had the nerve to tell me I should do this and that so that I could land more women. To which I replied that I have no problem getting one when I want to, and she shouldn’t make such assumptions about me just because I’m not skinny, blonde, white, whatever the ideal for a foreign man may be. Even big, hairy mexicans can and do attract good-looking, good-hearted women.
[quote=“DaveorJimmy”]>>To the Taiwanese mind, it’s politeness to a guest<<
In my mind, it is very telling that Taiwanese think any non Taiwanese in Taiwan must be a guest. The is very disturbing and to deal with this situation is indeed humilating.[/quote]
[quote=“DaveorJimmy”]>>To the Taiwanese mind, it’s politeness to a guest<<
In my mind, it is very telling that Taiwanese think any non Taiwanese in Taiwan must be a guest. The is very disturbing and to deal with this situation is indeed humilating.[/quote]In the USA it is the opposite. Even if you are Taiwanese on a holiday in the USA and can barely speak any English, the people there make some remark about why you can’t speak English as they assume everyone in the USA is a citizen.
There are worse things in life than people around you wanting to help, for whatever reason and whether it be annoying to you or not.
Americans, especially, are very oriented to independence, and also expecting others to be independent. Americans also place a premium on privacy. For Americans living in Taiwan, that’s where the annoyance lies when locals always want to help.
But still, gosh, with all the misery in the world, is to too much to bear when someone simply offers assistance for some menial situation? I’ve learned to make the best use of it. It’s great!!!
i was talking with someone in a mmorpg once. he said he was from china. i didn’t ask where exactly. anyway, i can’t remember what i said but i told him something, and then apologized if he already knew what i had told him.
he found this strange, and i explained that i always found it a bit annoying when someone told me something that i already knew, even if they aren’t being particularly condescending. i think mostly this annoys me when i think the person knows i know the something and for some reason still feels i need to be reminded. i suppose that i’m simply reading a “i don’t trust you to do what i think you should do with this info” kind of vibe from the situations.
i guess i didn’t go into quite that level of explanation given the mode of communication. but, he said that it seemed to him most people he knew thought it respectful to tell someone something that they already knew. he surmised that there was simply a cultural difference, people being raised under different circumstances and whatnot. i replied that i wasn’t so sure, and that there are people that i know that don’t get annoyed when things are repeated to them. or at least it doesn’t seem to me that they are getting pissed. i think i tend to be a little elitist even about my faults, i figured (at the time) that it was just something about my personality and way of interpreting situations.
of course, i try to hide my annoyance as much as possible, so maybe i just can’t tell and there really is something cultural.
For the rest of you: does all this ‘help’ have anything to do with the person offering you help trying to demonstrate how clever they are, rather than genuinely giving a toss about you? (Especially with rgeard to males ‘helping’ females, a problem that I don’t believe is confined to thia island.)
For the rest of you: does all this ‘help’ have anything to do with the person offering you help trying to demonstrate how clever they are, rather than genuinely giving a toss about you? (Especially with rgeard to males ‘helping’ females, a problem that I don’t believe is confined to thia island.)[/quote]
I think they are just being obsequious to the point where it is annoying
You’ll never live it down 
