Will my boyfriend be upset that I'm not a virgin?

Conservative is just a word. Everybody has something he wants to conserve. Most people have something they want to destroy.

Social scientists tell us that Catholic cultures tend to be much more civilized than heathens, and somewhat less civilized that Protestant and secular societies. Whether they’re the light of the world or backward half-savages depends largely on context.

Social scientists make a lot of blanket statements.

The Catholic Church was a great force for the betterment of mankind, up to a point. But that was an awful long time ago.

Andrew is dishing the best advice here, IMO.

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Thank you :grin:

Technically I am a lapsed Catholic, if the only qualifications for Catholicism are that you were baptized, received communion, confirmation, etc. But I never really got into it. It was all done mostly at the behest of my dad’s mom.

It’s just not for me and never really was. In the photos of my baptism you can see me trying to choke the priest.

image

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That’s a bit of a 矛盾 (contradiction). :yin_yang:

It’s already been pointed out, but this is a hollow insurance policy because there’s no way to verify it. As explained elsewhere, the hymen is no guarantee of anything, and bleeding can result from non-virginal sex. Also, there are ways to get STD’s without standard sex, and even without sexual contact at all. :doh:

Abstinence is a risk mitigator, but it’s no guarantee.

And then there’s this curious little game theory paradox:

(I’m not saying it’s true, just that it makes an interesting thought experiment, and who knows? It may be true.)

Hence the old religious law: paternity is a matter of opinion, maternity a matter of fact, so you’re not born Jewish unless your mother is Jewish. That’s not 100% foolproof either – babies can be switched at birth and so on – but it’s closer to a guarantee than a sworn affidavit of virginity.


Indeed. The whole show me my daughter-in-law’s marital bedsheets thing used to be a thing in East Asia as well. When did it go out of fashion? Early to mid 20th century? :thinking: Maybe @hansioux knows.


I tend to agree, but it’s a fairly recent development! I mean it’s hard to imagine a culturally Catholic country producing a film like this before, say, the 1990’s, or else it would probably cause a stir. Correct me if I’m missing something there.

Riiiight… and that brings me to my next recommendation. @ChaZui should try watching this with the boyfriend, if he can’t make it to the end of Borat. (Spoiler for Borat: it turns out the love of his life, Pamela Anderson, is somehow not actually a virgin.)

And then there’s the famous case of the “Virgin Queen” Elizabeth I. This film doesn’t cover up her affairs but does give the “virgin” concept an interesting spin at the end. :smile: It also happens to be a good film, like the others I’ve mentioned (except maybe Borat). :popcorn:

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I was trying to quote someone. I’m new to Forumosa, so I didn’t do it correctly, making it look like those were my own words.

Ah, I see: you were quoting Andrew.

Yea, but that kind of response is like putting up a neon sign with arrows pointing at you, with the message “NOT A VIRGIN!”

:rofl:

Benefits to it?

Well one simple one is what you’re dealing with right now. You could have avoided if your practiced abstinence. Others range from the risk of STDs as zero from sex. Abstinence is a 100% guarantee of not having an unwanted pregnancy before you’re ready or with a partner who isn’t going to be a good father if they even want to be one. Some people find having a sexual partner as something very beautiful.

You can also focus on other aspects of a relations. Sex changes a relation for better or worse. It clouds your judgement. I see that now as I’ve been with other girls who I was absolutely crazy about and realizing I don’t even really like the person beyond sex. And that magic feeling fades.

But it’s hard. Really hard to do.

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LOL I need to see the photos. Hahah

First of all, I’m not catholic. Maybe since I don’t understand how confessional works, I don’t get how that solves anything.
Second of all, pressuring him to have sex with me would be disrespectful, since he said he didn’t want to.
Third, saying that “it was my first time” basically is lying, because I would know that he understands that sentence that sentence differently than what I mean.
This all sounds very manipulative

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You have 3 choices.

1 tell the truth
2 tell a lie
3 tell nothing

Please look at my original post about the comment. When you’re already at third base, I think the only benefit is reducing risk of pregnancy. You can still get STD, and I’m pretty sure that thing sex does that makes you crazy about each other doesn’t really change with penetration.

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Speaking in general terms (only), but for “lapsed” Catholics or those who were never “really into it” when younger, when they do come back to Church regularly as older adults (40+ or older), they do so with greater belief and greater willingness to practice many of the nuances/traditions of the religion.

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That be me.

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raising children (having them grow up in the Church) does help in the equation, too, like me.

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That’s interesting. In my experience, all the lapsed Catholics I’ve met were more or less traumatized by the faith, and the last thing they want is to go back.

No religion was ever made out to me to be the single absolute truth about life and afterlife and so on, so those potentially traumatizing aspects of Catholicism had no effect on me. My parents also are and always have been very chill about shit, so it was easy to break away. When I told my father I had no interest in going to church anymore and that I’d rather listen to black metal and commune with Satan, he was like “aight.”

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Left when I started thinking about things in high school and haven’t looked back two kids later.

Funny how that works. Almost on a prodigal son level, eh?

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True, I was talking about lapsed Catholics who come back to the Church, not those who still stay lapsed.
I also see many lapsed Catholics around my own family for various reasons. I still pray the rosary for them.

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