My husband’s father is an asshole. It could be that I’m not Taiwanese or that I’m a guy, and he cannot accept that good son didn’t choose a woman as a spouse. Not sure which one. The day after I got married to his son, he complained to his wife and son that I shouldn’t stay over at his house and that next time her will call the police as he owns the house and I’m not welcome there. He didn’t know that we were married however. Now my husband’s mother wants me to move in with her because she doesn’t want me to take her son away from living at his childhood home. It would mean that she would live alone. I like his mother very much and his father doesn’t live at that house and seldom visits. He was asked for approval for me to moved in, and somehow agreed. If you were me, would you move in despite the father?
Are you saying that your husband did not tell his parents who you were when you were staying at his house? (Apparently the father was not at the wedding.) I’d blame your husband.
Don’t do it. Don’t take the bait.
I’m pretty firmly against living with in-laws generally. Separate spaces nearby (like a duplex or having an apartment in the same building) might be ok if I knew they were decent people (from a few years experience and at least one smooth vacation together) and there were children in the picture (grandparents should be a part of a child’s life, assuming they’re not abusive), but otherwise, I find that people (myself included) revert back to childhood tendencies when surrounded by immediate family. This is bad enough when you’re a guest in someone’s home for a short visit, but it is infinitely worse to consider living with them “permanently”. And in Taiwan, I’ve never met a man who lives with his parents that has the balls to tell his parents to STFU when they criticize their spouse.
Your father-in-law needs to do a heck of a lot of soul searching, but there’s nothing stopping him from finding a way to kick your butt (literally or figuratively) in the meantime.
Have your own place and spend the “necessary” time that you feel is boundary-settingly reasonable with them, then return to your (you and your husband’s) place at the end of the day. If it turns out they’re not crazy and they’ve done their duty in figuring out how to respect your relationship, maybe you can spend an occasional night there and see what happens.
Otherwise, even in the event of extreme economic hardship, I’d think twice about living with in-laws
There’s not quite enough info. Let’s assume for argument’s sake you get along great with mom and not an issue. Will your husband stand up to his dad if need be? His role here is not quite made clear.
Don’t move in with the family full stop, live your own life as a couple. You can always live nearby
Everyone is in family basically ignores his father. His father is for the most part insignificant. Clawless tiger.
Will he stand up to mom?
Maybe I read it wrong, but this sounds like controlling.
My husband is not one to take bullshit. That’s why I married him. I think our eventual plan is to move out of Taiwan. But I got a really good job in Taipei. I’ve known him for 8 years, and we used to live together before. My job took me to Yilan and his to Taipei (where he can live rent-free).
It’s not controlling I think, I think that she just wouldn’t want to live alone. If we move out, she would accept it.
Maybe have an honest conversation with your husband and talk about your concerns and boundaries if you do live with his mom.
Yes. His brother also bats for me. He is not a typical shrinking violet like most most Taiwanese when it comes to his parents.
If you think you’d be comfortable there, living habits and all that, why not. It wouldn’t be my choice, but the key is that you say you like his mother a lot (I do too but living together might be another thing :)). If it doesn’t work out you can move on.
I agree.
I thought it like this as well. But what puzzles me is why his father would agree to allow me to live at his house when he was ready to call the police on me? Must be some strange relationship dynamics between his parents that I can’t comprehend. Or maybe marriage changed everything so significantly?
He probably freaked out at first and some relatives cooled him down or something. That’s what happened with me pretty much, just being a foreigner of the opposite sex was bad enough 
He isn’t physically fit enough. And as the rest of his family loves me, I don’t think that would push so much now that we are married. As a boyfriend (of 8 years, he had some shit to say about me, even when the rest of the family ignored it.) But now that we are married he seems to really have backed off. As a side note, he found out that we were intending to get married, and was firmly against it.
No, I would not.
Guy
Mom yes, dad no.