[quote=“jdsmith”][quote=“TomHill”]So it isn’t illegal to steal a mans drink, but it is illegal to fool a thief into drinking piss? Ya right.
Thief: Officer, this drink I just stole is full of piss.
Police officer: That’s OUTRAGEOUS. What’s the world coming to when a man can’t steal a drink without it being a can full of urine. Damn those big nosed tax payers. Damn them all to hell.
Apple Daily would hear about it and print an article entitled, “Foreigners are thieves who also drink piss.”
Chief, you could coat the outside of the juice carton in something clear and stinky, JIZZ! Or you could jizz in the juice. Or if you dont want to go the oild jizz route… you could lay in wait, like a coiled snake, and them BAMB, goodnight sweetheart, your limbs are mine now. Chuck Norris that dude into ob-liv-i-on.
This drink stealing behaviour is indicative of just how many fools need to be pitied on this here drop’o dirt.[/quote]
Tom you are trying hard to make yourself squirm today.
Where oh where did I say that stealing the juice wasn’t illegal?
By pissing into a juice bottle, coloring it and chilling it, you are setting a trap. Mucking with food in the US is a FEDERAL offense. It’s akin to setting a bear trap in your house in case a buglar breaks in and he losses a foot and sues you. I imagine, but do not know, that Taiwan has a similar law.
But both actions, the stealing of the juice and the urine “juice” trap should be illegal.[/quote]
For one, if TheChief takes himself a can of piss to work, surely that is his business. After all, he just put a drink in a fridge. He didn’t tamper with another persons drink, he just put piss in his own drink container.
Second, and most importantly, not everything i write these days is full of acid. That was meant to be a funny post. You want me to come over and tickle your feet with a feather and then read it to you, in my LURNDUN tones?
Peace bro.
TomnotalwaysmoodysillybillyHill.
[quote=“TomHill”]JDsmith,
Not everything i write these days is full of acid. That was meant to be a funny post. You want me to come over and tickle your feet with a feather and then read it to you, in my LURNDUN tones?
Peace bro.
TomnotalwaysmoodysillyHillbilly.[/quote]
Tom, I am absolutely terrible at divining humor in posts unless it is clearly marked with winky faces.
Ask Broonale
As for tickling my feet, well, maybe we can see Brokeback Mtn first to get in the mood. :hubba:
[quote=“the chief”]To whichever of the primates with whom I share an office STOLE my personally chilled cranberry juice out of the company fridge for the SECOND GD day in a row, consider this your final warning.
The fridge is already full of 15 kinds of milk tea, dirt juice, and all that other crap you clowns drink.
Not to mention that, according to you geeks, drinking cold stuff causes hepatitis, premature hair loss, marital infidelity, and will open the door for a full-scale Mainland Invasion.
If you want cold cranberry juice, fridge it your own hydrocephalic self.
I put those juices in the fridge so’s I could have them cold for MY lunch, NOT as a public service to you sub-evolutionals.
Fair game, I put a post-it on them this morning.
If I catch you taking them again, it’s your bed-headed, Mama-buying-my-clothes, nap-taking, can’t-handle-wearing-shoes-for-more-than-40-minutes ass.
Savvy?
Savvy.[/quote]
This is beautiful - I can completely relate (both as a victim and a perp)
We oughta move this to Living in Taiwan. The part about the “…drinking cold stuff causes…” is dead on :bravo:
Leave it out on the counter for a few days to ferment. Take it to work (adding a few drops of cranberry-scented oil from the Body Shop to cover the smell). The person making a mad dash from the kitchen to the closest receptacle to hang his head over is your culprit.
Your story made me chuckle because something similiar happened to me at my job once. Somone would continually steal my food from the lounge refrigerator at work.
I even wrote “HANDS OFF!” on my lunch bag to no avail.
Finally It got to the point where more drastic measures were needed.
Being the twisted malfeasant that I am…it was going to be something creatively sinister.
I baked a nice batch of chocolate pudding, mixing in a generous helping of chocolate flavored Exlax laxative. When I was finished, for good measure, I shaved some on the top to look like choclate pieces.
I then placed said dessert in the refrigerator at work with a little note that read “Don’t touch”. (Can’t say I didn’t warn the bastard).
Sure enough…it was taken.
Never did find out the culprit. But I got my revenge in the end. Or rather THEY got it in the “end”. Bwa-ha-ha.
I LOL when I read that you even put shaved exlax on it. Went all out to make it look rather fancy like on the cooking shows.
I’d make two of everything. Mark an “X” on one. Post a memo and read it aloud to everyone that somedays the X will contain exlax or some other substanc and that somedays it won’t. Walk around the office showing everyone that you are eating an “X” apple or sanwhich today and do the same thing on other days showing that you are eating an non-X food item. Would turn into quite a comical event. If your boss complains, just tell hime that you’re tired of your lunch being stolen and this is the only way you can think of solving the situation.
[quote=“j99l88e77”]If your boss complains, just tell hime that you’re tired of your lunch being stolen and this is the only way you can think of solving the situation.[/quote]What if it’s the boss himself eating your stuff?
What’s the scoop Chief? Update?
Funniest post I’ve read in a while btw. :bravo: Keep it up.
You know, there are some substances that will glow when exposed to ultraviolet light. Like, plutonium. If you put some in your food you could just shine a UV light on everyone and whichever person glowed, or exhibited signs of acute radiation poisoning, would be your culprit.
Eeewww…only a married guy would make that joke…[/quote]
Not at all. I don’t know where you get that from. A judiciously lanced external pile can provide exactly the same colouring whithout the added inconvenience of matrimony.
