I was actually going to say the same thing.
My point is that a woman like her would feel more secure with an assertive man.
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I’m familiar with that, have been through a similar relationship. Each argument would end with her threatening to leave. I think she’s found her trump card in threatening to walk away. Be assertive on what you’d like to do on a daily basis, decisions about the kids etc.
and she would live off of what?
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Yes, this is actually a good point.
The threat of divorce should never be used to win an argument. The only way to get out of this negative cycle is to call her bluff. She may be serious, or she may be a paper tiger, but this is no way to live. Of course, best to have an actual plan in place before you call her bluff.
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Correction: 100% of all of us are becoming our parents, whether we like it or not. My sociology teacher told us that on our first day of class (high school jr year) and I have noticed it nonstop in everyone ever since. We mimic our parents (or whoever looks after us the most) from the moment we arrive on this planet. It doesn’t mean we can’t change, it just means that anyone who had a less than stellar example of how parents should be is going to be a less than stellar parent if they don’t very carefully work at it. Why do you think so many Taiwanese parents beat their kids, even though the law prohibits it? They literally have never seen any other example. Or why English classes are still teacher standing at the front of the room blabbing on in Chinese and having kids repeat without processing what’s coming out of their mouths? Cuz they’ve never experienced an English class any other way.
(Nothing I hate more than my mother telling me “you are JUST like your father” and also pointing out that my dad is EXACTLY like his)
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get yourself a counselor yesterday. I recommend Betterhelp if you’ve got scheduling conflicts
just the average Taiwanese dosen’t notice that, and can’t understand why they behave the way they do in a relationship
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Is your ARC based on marriage or work?
Very little introspection or willingness to see other perspectives here. On the Average.
How many times I’ve been told when in Rome…
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I doubt all of these things just popped up after marriage and kids. Your first mistake was marrying such a woman, 2nd is having kids with her. Both leave you with very little options as now you have legal and financial obligations to them.
I would always advice someone to salvage the marriage and counseling is a good step. But in my experience, people either don’t change or the changes you want will happen very slowly if the other party is even willing. But trying on your part is all you can do. Keep your side of the street clean is all you can do.
My other advice it to start preparing and plan for the worse. Figure out finances and how to make sure you’ll survive with the least amount of damages.
She sound manipulative, so once you make it clear you intend to leave, be prepared for manipulation. You might not think she’s evil, but people who are manipulative will use everything from the kids to either lure you back or to screw you up forever so you can’t have anything else.
All you can do is to try to fix it and it sounds like you’re doing your part. If the other party is unwilling and it can’t be fixed. Time to leave. But you need to have a plan.
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Also, time to get a divorce lawyer imo. Prepare everything for divorce with them. You never have to file for divorce, but if you do, you want to have your ass covered at all fronts and be 3 steps ahead.
Best of luck.
Get your APRC.
Work on that as soon as possible. She can work on her yoga and you your APRC. She might change her tune a bit when she knows you can legally stay here after a divorce.
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Did she threaten that at any stage? I didn’t see that.
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No you’re right but he was saying or insinuating that she knows he is dependent on him. I feel that he should try and become less dependent and she may respect and appreciate him more.
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Based on my experience, crazy is just normal on Taiwan.
Betterhelp was already mentioned, but it needs a subscription. The center you want to try is good. For another option you could try https://www.instantcounselling.com/
It’s basically that: instant councelling. Almost 24/7 you can reach someone professional instantly. Pay as much as you use.
The only disadvantage is that you need to call to the UK by phone. So from Taiwan it might make more sense to use Skype out or other similar services.
Apart from that: it’s great that you try to understand what she wants and needs. Maybe if you give her the feeling that you really care what she wants and needs and why, that could help make her feel more positive about the relationship. I mean only listening, not starting to discuss and reason. Just listen. Acknowledge her feelings, needs, wishes.
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Your feelings are legitimate and this is a common situation.
My wife and I have 2 kids (she is also TW) and we went through some similar power struggles also when the kids were young. We found happiness but it will require giving her more space and you not letting her control you by threatening you.
The cycle of unavailability threats distance will drive you crazy. Plus you are on her turf and she knows it and will threaten making you feel expendable or abandoned if you dont do what she wants. You need to take the power she holds by threatening you away by refusing to cooperate with her until she stops holding stuff over your head.
She sounds very controlling but im guessing she herself may feel suffocated. Being a young mom is not easy.
Would she be amenable to moving back w you to your country at all? That changed the trajectory of our marriage a lot bc the balance of responsibility is more even.
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Arent you worth more than this to yourself? Next time she threatens that call her bluff. Youll either be free to find someone better or she’ll respect you more
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I can’t stress this enough. People WILL change after they get pushed to the limit.
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Well she’s gotta be nuts if she’s mad at you for not bulging! 
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