Joke of the Day 2020

Thieves have stolen 20 crates of Red Bull from my local shop.

I don’t know how these people sleep at night…

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Why do bees have sticky hair? :honeybee:

Because they use honey combs.

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that’s just weird, not funny.

It’s funny in a dad joke kind of way.

Actually, it came from here:

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OK, now THAT’S funny.

fancy kids being entrepreneurs! What will they think of next?!

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Man visits an ancient Greek tailor with a pair of torn pants.

Tailor says, “Euripides?”

Man says, “Yeah, Eumenides?”

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A pair of jumper leads walk into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says, “OK, but I don’t want you starting anything in here.”

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So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

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how much was he charged?

I dunno, but I think he made a real tit of himself.

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Speaking of tits…An amnesiac walks into a bar, goes up to a big-bosomed blonde and says “So, do I come here often?”

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What did Bogart say when he started studying geometry?

Here’s looking at Euclid.

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Speaking of famous quotes…Descartes walked into a bar and ordered a beer. When he’d finished it; “Want another?” asked the bartender. “I think not”, Descartes replied … then he disappeared.

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The deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million.Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place.

The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court.When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million,

he takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language.The Godfather tells the lawyer, ‟Ask him where the money is!”

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, ‟Where‘s the money?”

Guido signs back, ‟I do not know what you are talking about.” The lawyer tells the Godfather, ‟He says he doesn‘t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido‘s head and says, ‟Ask him again or I‘ll kill him!”

The lawyer signs to Guido, ‟He will kill you if you do not tell him.”

Guido trembles and signs back, ‟OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno‘s house.”

The Godfather asks the lawyer, ‟What did he say?”

The lawyer replies, ‟He says you don‘t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

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The barman says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.” A time traveller walks into a bar.

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My husband commented on the new store that is being built nearby: “That’s a nice looking Aldi!”

I told him it just looks like Aldi others.

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3 strips of asphalt (macadam) walk into a bar, two grey and one yellow.
The yellow one goes straight to a corner table and the others approach the bar.
Barman says “Hello, what’s your friend’s problem?”
The one grey one says “Oh, don’t talk to him, he’s a cycle path”

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