Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well.
Karen: Doctor, Iāve not been feeling well lately.
Doctor: Iāve looked at your lab reports and Iām afraid I have some bad news.
Karen: Donāt give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed me. Now will you do things my way or do I need to see the manager?!?
Doctor: Sure, weāll do things your way. No need to raise your temper. Why donāt we try an astrology based approach?
Karen: At last, a sensible approach.
Doctor: So, whatās your star sign?
Karen: itās cancer.
Doctor: Well what a fucking coincidence.
Shamelessly stolen from a comment on a YouTube video:
Q: Why did Jordan Peterson cross the road?
A: The answer isnāt obvious. Itās bloody serious. Itās no joke, man.
to get that delicious garlic butter!
Iāve invented a new sport called āquiet tennis.ā
Itās just like normal tennis but without the racketā¦
Iād take everything in that dictionary with a big grain of salt. 
Grains of salt come shaped like huge dildos now??
If thatās what youāre into, weāll be happy to custom-make one for you. 
No, I was just hopefully asking for a friend. Wondering where you got yours.
Its called a salt lick
A gift from Farmer Johnā¦ 
Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.
Apparently heās been using performance enhancing rugsā¦
Donald Trump should be banned for the same reason then.
ToupĆ©eā¦er, touchĆ©ā¦
What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is very heavy and the other is a little lighter.
My pet snake is 3.14 meters long.
Heās a Ļ thon.
Son: āMom, Dad, Iām gay.ā
Mom: Stares at Dad
Dad: Clenches fist
Mom: āDonāt!ā
Dad: Sweats Profusely
Mom: āā¦ā
Dad: āHI GAY, IāM DADā
Son: āNo dad, Iām serious!ā
Dad: āYouāre Serious? I thought you were Gay!ā
I wrote a really good egg jokeā¦
But somebody poached it.