I’m sorry people, but I haven’t laught this hard in a very long time.
However, I’m pleased that it’s not as embarassing ot let one rip in Taiwan as it is in the UK… yes, I do have gas sometimes… is that a problem? 
Oh, sure, if she were a cutie I’d suck the fumes in deep like a bong hit, holding them in my lungs till I felt my chest would explode, finding no offense in her foul emissions but imagining them to be the scent of roses covered with morning dew, a gentle breeze wafting through an alpine meadow, the fragrance of a butterfly fluttering among the daffodils, then ever so gently let the aroma rise from my lungs to drift gently from my lips, drawing it back up my nose and sighing as I pictured the smooth, white buttocks, like alabaster, from whence the fumes had emanated; but nay, she’s no cutie. In fact she’s plain and dumpy, with a face like mianbao, legs like shuijiao and the dull, glazed eyes of a toad sitting in the mud. I’d sooner drive a toothpick up my urethra then ingest her toxic fumes. Each moment I sit there bathed in the stench, I feel my sinatic nerves contracting, alveolie shutting down, brain cells suffocating and I lament that I am chained to my cubicle, with only a thin carpeted wall separating me from her fetid ass.[/quote]
Dear God, if this isn’t a classic post, then I don’t know what is… Almost peed on myself. :bravo: 
:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
[quote=“Chewycorns”]I can remember eating at a Korean restaurant in Vancouver with a bunch of friends including two Japanese friends (one of them is a best friend of mine who lived in Canada for 10 years and now works for his old man in Tokyo). He and a few of his Japanese friends arrived dressed in purple suits. The Korean staff thought they were Japanese mafioso or Yakuza. They immediately started to treat the Korean staff very rudely. My Japanese friend basically said that if the food was not " spicy" enough to make him cry, he wouldn’t be paying for it.
Needless to say, the food was super spicy. In fact, I could only manage to eat a few spoonfuls, and I love spicy food very much. However, I told my Japanese friends that since they acted like “macho pricks” and treated the Korean staff terribly, they would have to eat all of it.
They finished it all. As we started driving home, another Japanese dude that was part of our group shit his pants while farting in the front seat (to the disgust of everyone in the backseat). It was so disgusting that everyone else in the car demanded that he stop at the nearest store and buy some new pants and/or underwear and an air freshener. When we started arguing about this (he wanted to wait until we arrived at our friend’s apartment in the West End and borrow some clothes (20 minutes away), we accidentally went through a red light. Suddenly, there was a cop car behind us with the lights flashing.
I will never forget the face the cop made when he asked my friend to roll down the window. Two Jap dudes in purple suits, the smell of feces, and a bunch of Whiteys and Japanese laughing their asses off in the back seat.[/quote]
Please tell me if this was all done in Japanese. I swear it will be soo much funnier!!!
Okay, this whole thing is really starting bother me.
I mean, she must know what she’s doing, right? She can’t be totally unaware of her own emissions, can she? I’ve farted before. I admit it. I’ve even done it a few times in public. But this girl is doing it repeatedly to your entire office. WTF?!!
Maybe she’s trying to make a point.
There are a few Taiwanese office workers who are overworked, underpaid, exploited, alienated, and/or just plain bored. Maybe this is how she relieves her boredom. Goodness, imagine taking her out to a boring restaurant or to a boring movie. And heaven forbid she becomes bored with the choice of songs at the KTV or in the van on the way to the company outing.
Or maybe she doesn’t like the kind of work assignments she’s getting. She could just be expressing her displeasure in a unique form of civil disobedience (except she’s the one with the tear gas hahaha).
If you’re into conspiracy theories, maybe she’s the boss’s mistress and they’ve hatched a plot to downsize the company.
Then again, it could just be uncontrollable flatulence. After all, that’s probably not something you would advertise on your resumé (nor would you score many points with your prospective employer if the job interview were held after lunch). Do employees in your company have personnel files? Maybe you could check hers to see if she listed a “reason for leaving” her previous employer (“reason for vacating” might not tell you much).
Hell, it could just be the beans.
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I diagnose the poor Nellie with nervous flatulence and possibly a secondary bowel disorder, such as coeliac disease.
Outing her won’t help I’m afraid.
HG
Oh, sure, if she were a cutie I’d suck the fumes in deep like a bong hit, holding them in my lungs till I felt my chest would explode, finding no offense in her foul emissions but imagining them to be the scent of roses covered with morning dew, a gentle breeze wafting through an alpine meadow, the fragrance of a butterfly fluttering among the daffodils, then ever so gently let the aroma rise from my lungs to drift gently from my lips, drawing it back up my nose and sighing as I pictured the smooth, white buttocks, like alabaster, from whence the fumes had emanated; but nay, she’s no cutie. In fact she’s plain and dumpy, with a face like mianbao, legs like shuijiao and the dull, glazed eyes of a toad sitting in the mud. I’d sooner drive a toothpick up my urethra then ingest her toxic fumes. Each moment I sit there bathed in the stench, I feel my sinatic nerves contracting, alveolie shutting down, brain cells suffocating and I lament that I am chained to my cubicle, with only a thin carpeted wall separating me from her fetid ass.[/quote]
OH MY GOD!!! I thought this thread was funny until I got to this post. Now it’s positively HILARIOUS!!! I’m trying not to make any noises at work!! :roflmao: :bravo: Very well narrated except I’ve never heard of sinatic nerves. Did you mean siatic nerve? (no “e” at the end of alveoli). 
Well, I’m not actually a physician but I figured there must be some sort of receptor doohicky in the nasal orifice that goes by such a name. . . but I may be mistaken.
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]I diagnose the poor Nellie with nervous flatulence and possibly a secondary bowel disorder, such as coeliac disease.
Outing her won’t help I’m afraid.[/quote]
You’re right it’s serious. Humorous as this subject may be for all of you, it really stinks for me. This girl has a serious problem as she has been perpetually emitting highly noxious gases for weeks on end. That’s not normal. Healthy people are not so persistently stinky. I don’t know if it’s a medical condition or not. My suspicion is that her lower intestine is full of rotten shit that just fails to get eliminated so it periodically vents into the environment. My suggestion would be that she get off her lazy ass and exercise (she looks as though she never excercises at all) and start eating more fiber, to cleanse the nasty gunk from her system.
Well, my only solution for the smell is to use Febreze to get rid of the smell. Either that or get her fired or ask for a new cubicle. Your work might be willing to move you to a different cube, albeit you won’t get an actual office. I know you don’t like the idea of getting her fired, but you cannot go on working in that kind of noxious environment. Getting her fired is the last resort, but somethings got to be done. Its almost as bad as working out in the morning with a person with disgustingly bad breath breathing on you from the next machine. Eewww. Makes me want to toss my cookies. That’s just too much first thing in the morning. But before you get her fired, double check and make sure it’s her and not the fat guy.
Keep us all posted as to the outcome. We’re all waiting with bated breath. Hee hee
I thought this photo was appropriate:
or this:
just compliment her, and it will have the reverse effect of shutting up her yap metaphorically…
Shei fang pi, hao li hai!
I don’t know if I should mention this anecdote here, but the thread title is kinda general, and I think this might just fit.
A couple years ago I was in a taxi. No big thing, I’m often in a taxi. As soon as we got on the freeway, though, the driver ripped one. I mean very loudly, very obviously, and very intentionally. I kinda sat there in shock as he stared at me in the rear-view mirror with a big wide-tooth grin (missing a few teeth, actually - the rest were stained red) as he made low “heh heh heh” chuckling noises. Judging from MT’s posts, maybe the driver was also a vegetarian – the stench was unfuckingbelievable. I tried to put the window down, but he had power-locked the windows. I was about to ask him if he could unlock the windows when he ripped off another one - longer, louder, and far more foul then the first. More staring and “heh heh heh.”
WTF???
So did you hit him? That’s ground for justifiable homicide right there.
HG
This is embarrassing, but I just kind of suffered it. At the moment, it seemed that any reaction I gave him meant he would “win.” Seems he won anyway.
[quote=“smell the glove”]A couple years ago I was in a taxi. No big thing, I’m often in a taxi. As soon as we got on the freeway, though, the driver ripped one. I mean very loudly, very obviously, and very intentionally. I kinda sat there in shock as he stared at me in the rear-view mirror with a big wide-tooth grin (missing a few teeth, actually - the rest were stained red) as he made low “heh heh heh” chuckling noises. Judging from MT’s posts, maybe the driver was also a vegetarian – the stench was unfuckingbelievable. I tried to put the window down, but he had power-locked the windows. I was about to ask him if he could unlock the windows when he ripped off another one - longer, louder, and far more foul then the first. More staring and “heh heh heh.”
WTF???[/quote]
There’s some oddly fucking peculiar people on this planet… that’s for damned certain.
This is embarrassing, but I just kind of suffered it. At the moment, it seemed that any reaction I gave him meant he would “win.” Seems he won anyway.[/quote] Oh then you deserved it. Come on, at what age to get to tell yourself, f#$k the bs and let me let know that’s just not acceptable? LOLOLOL
You should have given him your fare AFTER wiping your butt with it. 
I will now contradict myself.
What you have here is a horses head on the dinner table situation that you might as well come right out and talk about. It’s not like it isn’t on everybody’s mind anyway. Heck, maybe you can give her a laxative or something, it’s not likely she will ever exercise.
NO WAY. Couldn’t you have been just as rude and told him to pull over so that you can catch a different cab? Now, who would have “won.” Is all this farting in public a cultural thing in that it is not as much of a taboo in Taiwan as it is in the U.S. or elsewhere?
I don’t think letting it go in public is that bad — as long as it is in not too closed a space. It is better to get the bad things out of your body.
For some reason, gin and tonic hangovers provide me with nasty gas. In fact, I once stank out the church where the Queen mother was having mass near Cumberland Lodge on Great Windsor Estate. Being a good Catholic boy, I felt guilty about attending a Protestant mass, but I thought any mass was better than no mass. I laid in the back pews and expelled the toxins from my body all hour long. People asked me afterwards if I felt guilty stinking up the row. I said no. I sat in the back row and only grossed out my friends. Since my classmates were just as rude as me and many were republican in the British sense of the word, they were entertained by my lack of respect for social norms, and that I was farting near royalty. They sort of saw me as a “til eulenspiegal” sort of character.
From my rationale, I would rather pray and smell bad than not pray at all. Anyways, anyone who has lived in the fertile crescent in the Middle East knows how important chickpeas are to the local diet. I’m sure a lot of holy people prayed and passed gas in closed areas.
Taxis though – that is nasty.
[quote=“Mother Theresa”], so that several times per day as I sit typing on my computer I am suddenly overwhelmed by the putrid stench of rotting fecal matter emanating from someone’s intestines.
I don’t know what to do. :[/quote]
Buy a large fan and give her some blow back… or send it towards the mamgers office…
If I was you I’s start learning to eat 20 boiled eggs at 6am and letting go in the office yaself.