[quote=“Yellow Cartman”][quote=“dix2111”]wait another one
she puts shoes in front of the door when we leave so criminals with think we are home.[/quote]
Why is this so dumb? Strange perhaps but dumb?[/quote]
In my case it was definitely dumb, as my “decoy shoes” cost NT$4,000, were less than a month old and were gone when I got home. 
This one is not from my wife but from my employee.(almost the same)
Just before lunch service starts see told me she had to go back home and check if there is no burglar in the house. “Why?” I asked.“Because I shutdown my computer, but seem to be online, my MSN is still on. my friends told me”. They just had called her on her cell phone and were worried about her because she wasn’t at work but behind her computer.
“Yeah, right.” I said. “the burglar wil break into your house and start using your computer to play video games. And when he is finished he’ll steal you blind.”
“I need to go home and see, then I can call the police”.
I told her that if she was surprising the burglar he probably would nock her over the head an it was safer to stay here and call the police to go and check.
“They don’t have a key, and can’t get in” she said. I asked her if the burglar had a key and how he got in. Anyway she didn’t go and seemingly didn’t get my joke.
Does your wife know? Please tell us more! 
She hired her!
[quote=“belgian pie”]This one is not from my wife but from my employer.(almost the same)[/quote]There, fixed that for ya 
great thread…
my ex-girlfriend would not let me light candles in the apartment without opening all the windows because she was convinced the CO2 released would kill us. nothing i could say would convince her otherwise.
“u don’t know that???” 
Fixed what? I’m the employer!
My wife hired my employee who was sure that someone had broken into her appartment because her computer was back online after she shut it down, she said.
My gf and I were at the Smithsonian art museum in Washington D.C. At the end of the exhibit, she turned to this huge Van Gogh on the wall and said,
“How can you wash your socks and your underwear together?”
I didn’t understand the problem, so I asked her to explain.
“You put your feet in those socks. Those socks touch your underwear in the washing machine. Then your underwear touches your thing. Then you put your thing in me. So basically you’re putting your dirty feet in me!”
To this day I’m not allowed to wash my socks and underwear together!
“I drive better when I’m drunk – because I’m more relaxed. I become one with the car.”
I’ve lectured her on this so much I get sick of hearing myself.
Unfortunately, she’s either gonna get a clue or one day she just might become one with the car for real!
Our relationship was never anything more than me renting a room from her between arriving in Taiwan and starting work. Nevertheless, I could never understand what the fuck she was talking about.
Her: What will you do today?
Me: Oh, I’ll just wander around town, I guess.
Her: (pointing down the street) If you walk that way for…oh about 30 minutes… you can go somewhere. And then maybe you can get something.
Me: :loco:
today, from my tai-tai:
“Pregnant women should eat lots of corn, it will make the baby intelligent.”
Hmm…so thats part of the Taiwanese fascination with corn.
Oh, I thought of another one:
My wife’s sister went to a fortune-teller, who told her she’d get divorced on Dec. 21 of that year. My wife was very impressed that this fortune-teller was so sure of himself as to even tell her the exact date of her divorce.
At the time, I told her, “Yeah, if he’s wrong (which he will be) you’ll never remember – but if by utter amazing coincidence he happens to be right, they’ll put it in every damn newspaper, so what has he got to lose by making such a precise prediction?”
She snorted the way they always do, so as to say, “You foreigners just don’t understand!”
Anyway, as it so happened, that December her father AND grandmother both went into intensive care with critical illnesses – her father very nearly died from a staff infection and her grandmother got pneumonia (which would initiate the slow decline in her health that eventually lead to her death a year later).
After they were (ostensibly) out of danger, I couldn’t help bringing up the fortune-teller’s missed prediction: “Your sister’s still married, I see!”
Her response? “Well, yeah, but she probably would’ve gotten divorced if it hadn’t been for my father and grandmother almost dying!”
I didn’t bother to point out the odd fact that the ever-so-all-knowing fortune-teller forgot to mention her father and grandmother’s brush with death in his prediction. It’s the failure to notice things like that on the part of locals that keeps those charlatans in business!
[quote=“TainanCowboy”]today, from my tai-tai:
“Pregnant women should eat lots of corn, it will make the baby intelligent.”
Hmm…so thats part of the Taiwanese fascination with corn.[/quote]
This is a great thread! It should be turned into a book! Funny stuff.
I would have thought that eating lots of ears of corn would be good for the hearing, so that maybe the baby born from a mother who ate lots of corn during her pregnancy would turn out to be a great listener or linguist or musician.
But IQ? Go figure.
[quote=“TainanCowboy”]today, from my tai-tai:
“Pregnant women should eat lots of corn, it will make the baby intelligent.”
Hmm…so thats part of the Taiwanese fascination with corn.[/quote]
NO…that’s why all Taiwanese children grow triangular shaped heads.
[quote=“belgian pie”][quote=“TainanCowboy”]today, from my tai-tai:
“Pregnant women should eat lots of corn, it will make the baby intelligent.”
Hmm…so thats part of the Taiwanese fascination with corn.[/quote]
NO…that’s why all Taiwanese children grow triangular shaped heads.[/quote]
Thanks! I just spewed coffee all over my monitor. 
Siiting about half way down in economy on a Qantas flight to Bombay and 35,000 feet above the Middle East somewhere in the dead of night, my girlfriend at the time looked out of the window and espied a flashing light.
“Look…is that a lighthouse?”
BroonAirbus
[quote=“BroonAle”]Siiting about half way down in economy on a Qantas flight to Bombay and 35,000 feet above the Middle East somewhere in the dead of night, [b]my girlfriend at the time looked out of the window and espied a flashing light.
“Look…is that a lighthouse?”[/b]
BroonAirbus[/quote]
And how much did you pay for the stewardess.
I have to open the window when I use an electric heteror the same reason.
However, if you have a gas water heater in your hallway it’s a good idea to open a window when you take a show.
[quote=“Comrade Stalin”][quote=“belgian pie”][quote=“TainanCowboy”]today, from my tai-tai:
“Pregnant women should eat lots of corn, it will make the baby intelligent.”
Hmm…so thats part of the Taiwanese fascination with corn.[/quote]
NO…that’s why all Taiwanese children grow triangular shaped heads.[/quote]
Thanks! I just spewed coffee all over my monitor. [/quote]
You’re welcome! Your monitor needed cleaning anyway. 
I have to open the window when I use an electric heteror the same reason.
[/quote]
Haha, i initially had the same problems with my kerosene heater and the ex. However as it became colder and we did not die of carbon monoxide poisoning, she desided that it was OK. My current GF came after the heaters, and prefer to be warm.