Thinking of separating

I don’t know what to do anymore. I really tried to understand him but I can’t anymore. It’s true marriage life is not really easy. And I am having trouble this days my MIL and husband wants me to have baby soon but i feel i am not ready yet. I told them let’s wait for one more year. But MIL said my husband will be old soon and i am selfish about thinking myself only. But they never think about me. I really want to complete my master degree and make career for my self. When i try to communicate about this matter my husband doesn’t even listen to me. Nowadays we keep on arguing and having fights. He shouts and I always go to sleep crying and wake up at morning for work. I can’t feel anything these days at all. I am so lost inside idk what to do anymore.sometimes i have suicidal thoughts Every night i think of divorce but i love him a lot or just being stupid. Am i being selfish or should i just give in.

Really sounds like they don’t respect you.


You’re a human being, not a baby machine. It’s not like you’ve even refused to have kids. It’s perfectly reasonable to make your own decision about if and when to do so. Your husband and MIL are the ones being selfish.


That’s what you should do! Your husband needs to understand that he is on your side now, you should be the center of his world not his mum. Your husband should be the one explaining his mum that you both agree that you are going to complete your education and make a career and she needs to keep quiet.

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Having kids is a wonderful thing and a gift only a woman can give. But no one should be forced to before they are ready.

I think you should have a straight up conversation with your husband about this. I have found that sometimes your partner just needs to understand what you’re thinking for them to get it. As much as it may be wrong of him of pressuring you, he should at least be given a honest conversation from your side to understand. Marriage is a 2 way street.


Repeating for emphasis. You didn’t marry his mother. Her opinion should not be driving your decisions. If your husband doesn’t understand this, tell him to go marry his mother!


They sound like trash people.

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Sounds like the basis for a very toxic marriage that is destined to end in failure, whether there’s a baby or not. With that in mind, a failed marriage without a child is infinitely preferable to one with a child.


Have the baby and complete your master’s degree.

Are you Taiwanese?
I take it your spouse is?

Have you tried marriage counseling? If he is not willing to listen to you and work out the differences in your marriage, get out ASAP.

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What would be the point in having a baby with a man who clearly doesn’t like or respect her?


I wasn’t ready to jump the gun on that based on what she shared.

I probably wouldn’t raise my voice, but fighting isn’t beyond the pale.


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Run, don’t walk.

Problem with being the baby machine is that you will be discarded as soon as your purpose is over.

Go to a gynecologist. Get an IUD. Like yesterday. Before you get pregnant unwillingly.

Go to a lawyer. There are free ones if required. Learn about your options.

Sorry to say Taiwanese men tend to follow their parents orders. They want baby now and do not care about your opinion. Get out!


So they will kick her out as soon as he baby is out? Her life will get worse, not better, for complying with their demands.

We don’t know.

There’s a reason I don’t come here for personal advice.


Find someone to talk to about this. A friend or family member is preferable. If those aren’t an option find a doctor or therapist. You need to talk to someone real about this.


this is what you should do, before you’d have a baby. You’d never said you don’t want a baby, just been asking to wait for a year. It should be respected.

idk how they are useful, but guess your school must have a counseling room for students. You could visit them. (Added: now I remember that you are hoping to apply for 2021 Spring, so you may be not at school yet. Did the application go well?)

Also there should be a center for new immigrants in your city, where you are supposed to be able to consult about family relationships, legal things, etc.

np, you are not selfish. You already suspended your school in your country for this marriage. Your husband should give you something this time.


Sorry to be blunt but to ignore that possibility is negligent. Too many foreign parents are separated from their kids because they are foreign. We simply do not have legal backup or enforcement. It is a fact.

Look at her case. Most foreigners are isolated, have no support network like family to help them fight for their children, not even a sympathetic ear. Hence the Taiwanese family imposed their will. Where to live, how to live, when to have children. Then the families complain about the foreign spouse who is not obedient.