Thinking of separating

Besides, OP made a post 2 years ago about getting married to this guy. Everyone told her not to do it, or at the very least, get her Masters before anything else.

Not to be heartless, but this is a good example of you reap what you sow.



I just want to know something.

Is the OP a white foreigner who married a Taiwanese? Or is she a southeast asian who married a Taiwanese?

If the OP is a white/black/latino foreigner, why did she marry the guy? What did she see in the guy? Was he someone who stood up for her whatever came her way, be it parents or whatever? Usually girls from those places (especially latinos) are big on her boyfriend standing up for her.

Or is the OP southeast asian? Was she forced into the marriage, either by her family or was paid into it?

This sounds like a very unhealthy situation, surrounded by people that don’t respect you or understand your ambitions. Your husband and his family are being selfish, not you.

she is from SEA. Her parents seem to be against this marriage. She thought she loved the man, and he pressured if she couldn’t marry him soon, he would marry someone else.

Edited for time. :wink:



Then I don’t know. I mean when a woman loves a man he can treat her like dirt and she’ll come back for more. I don’t know if it’s an alpha male thing because I see women for some reason are attracted to abusive man. Perhaps such a man often shows the alpha male thing that attract women?

Yea Taiwanese men get a lot of pressure from family but I thought this is common in Asian culture so she should understand. Perhaps she’s philippino where the culture seems to have similarity to latino culture.


I think i am done. Idk what to do anymore. Today we had argument and i saidif we keep on fighting like this way I want divorce but he said that if i do divorce with him i have to give him money because he spent a lot money in marriage ceremony. I didn’t know what to when he said that. I asked and said it’s opposite way because i heard wife get money and i am not even asking money only separation. He got angry and isn’t speaking at all. He said his ex wasn’t like this way why am i like this way. Idk did i do something wrong? I said sorry if it hurts him but he isn’t talking at all. I don’t know today where i will be sleeping because he is angry. I am thinking of sleeping outside after work. And I haven’t made bank account. He gave me his bank account and asked to transfer my salary to his account when i said no he said i am selfish. So i gave his bank account to transfer my salary. I do so many things but he still not happy. So what should i do more. I am so tired. I can’t even say this to my mom and dad. Because they think everything is going good. Idk why there’s no one to tell him that he need to listen me as well why i am not happy and so on but he thinks i am child i do bad things and I don’t understand anything.

Seek out friends to support you. Sounds like he is going to be a dirt bag and not accept your wishes.

First mistake, lying to your parents. Tell them your situation. There is no shame in you taking control of your life and your parents sound like they care about you. You are in an abusive relationship with your husband and his family. Do you really, deep down, think he will change? He won’t I promise you, he won’t. Do you want the rest of your life to be full of regrets because you stayed with someone who is clearly a childish asshole? Abusers tend to make their victims feel sorry for them. Please don’t let this be you. Go home to your parents. Please.


Talk to your parents ! They’ll always care for you. Why the hell he is asking you transfer your salary to his account except to control you . That’s messed up .
Get yourself on a plane back to your family.


@Hana, I also tell you please talk to your parents. They must want to know your situation and to help you.

And I’d also recommend you to pay a visit to legal aid foundation or Taipei city’s new immigrant center if possible. They could help some legal things.


You also need to get your own bank account immediately and put your salary there. He should not have any control over your money. If your money is put in his account, you don’t have any access or control over it anymore.

Sounds like just another method to control you and keep you where he wants you. It’s toxic and it’s not going to get better until you leave.

This is standard narcissistic pattern abuse that he is doing to you.

He controls you by taking your earnings.

He demands that you pay money to him for a wedding ceremony (I’m guessing he’ll make up some ridiculous amount) that you had no knowledge of the costs.

He screams and shouts at you whenever he doesn’t get his own way (pretty big red flag and a sure sign that he lacks maturity beyond a 10 year old).

He compares you to his ex (huge red flag that one).

His mother supports every single thing he blames you for (another huge red flag (I’m guessing first born son)).

The baby is to ensure they can keep control over you. I say they because really this is a partnership between your husband and his mother. They are bullies. Sociopathic narcissists. And now, according to the information you have provided, abusers.

Get your own bank account. Change your details where you work to have that money paid into your bank account. Be prepared that this will result in a physical reaction from your husband (because the money isn’t there when he expects it). And call the cops when that happens.

Spousal abuse is like a drug. That whole “accuse, abuse, beg for forgiveness (and be rewarded when forgiven for something they did)” routine causes changes to the brain chemistry. These changes are addictive and create what are called abuse patterns in your brain. I’m sorry for your predicament. I just hope that enough people here can convince you to see what is really happening.


Honestly Hana this is truly abusive behaviour towards you. The sort of thing that was normal 50-70 years ago in Western countries. The longer it goes on the harder it is to leave. As others have said please talk to your parents and tell them the truth of what is happening. If that really isn’t a possibility start making a plan.
Go on the pill and say yes to getting pregnant (I’m guessing you already have consensual sex with your husband).
Act real dumb when it doesn’t work (you can then turn this around on your husband and accuse him of being impotent).
Keep working on your Masters and open your own bank account.
Get your boss to put a percentage of money in the bank account (tell your husband you had to take a pay cut or are working less hours and studying more) and start saving until you have enough to leave (as soon as you leave make sure all your earnings are put in your bank account).
Go to the immigration office and get some advice about your situation from a professional that isn’t involved in any way with what is going on.

Sometimes we choose the wrong path. Refusing to accept that might mean we stay on that path for a lot longer than we really should have. There’s nothing shameful to admit we make mistakes. That’s part of being human. Learning from those mistakes is the really hard lesson.

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That’s not legally enforceable I think.

Maybe not. But I wouldn’t want to test it in a court. Taiwan’s legal system does not have a reputation of being fair and reasonable. Especially to outsiders.

In any case she could claim for her money since her payroll was going to his account (which is crazy and stupid). @Hana please get a bank account!!! Or at least try to get your company make the payments into whatever account you have in your country. Maybe @tando can tell us whether this is possible or not.

You could say you need to send a lot of your salary to your family as there is some emergency or something, but you would be sending it to your own account.

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