Wow, this sounds eerily like my last relationship with a Taiwanese man. Too busy…even for some 4 am lovin. I know exactly how you feel![/quote]
Any guy that is too busy for some 4am lovin is too busy for a girlfriend.
Unfortunately no, which is probably one of the reasons why we broke up. Hope you have better luck than I did. :s
.
He makes about 2xs an hour what I do.
So no, he doesn’t need to work like a 3rd worl worker to make a good living. He works like a 3rd world worker cuz he is freaking nuts.
He makes about 2xs an hour what I do.
So no, he doesn’t need to work like a 3rd worl worker to make a good living. He works like a 3rd world worker cuz he is freaking nuts.[/quote]
I’ve kept quiet in this thread for a while.
I’m curious if he works like a nutcase because he’s a workaholic, or he’s working because he’s ambitious and believes this hard work is (or will be) for a future tangible good?
The only other thought I’d throw in here is that there are a good many men who feel that their self-worth is very much tied to their work/career. This is not in my view, a sickness or illness that needs to be cured.
Maybe not an illness that needs to be cured but if its jeopardising his relationships, I’d say it was worthy of attention.
He works like a nutcase because he does what he loves. I am actually kind of jealous. I would kill to get the amount of work he does.
But then again. He is amazingly good at his job. He is one of those horrible people that we all want to kill that is good at everything he does.
Maybe not an illness that needs to be cured but if its jeopardising his relationships, I’d say it was worthy of attention.[/quote]
But in a serious long term relationship where, perhaps, with the issue of a family and all that goes with that; Is having a healthy respect for one’s career a bad thing? Or is it just the pressure to be the breadwinner that is the issue here? If that is the case is there anything that can be done to alleviate the problem?
(Sorry didn’t read everything that has gone before…)
[quote=“Yellow Cartman”]
The only other thought I’d throw in here is that there are a good many men who feel that their self-worth is very much tied to their work/career. This is not in my view, a sickness or illness that needs to be cured.[/quote]
True enough YC, but on the other hand there are a good many women who feel that their self-worth is very much tied to how much love and attention they are getting from their man. I don’t know if that is right or wrong, but I know that if a women feels neglected or ignored by her man, she’s either going to feel depressed about it or she’s going to go look for that love and attention elsewhere.
[quote=“Erhu”][quote=“Yellow Cartman”]
The only other thought I’d throw in here is that there are a good many men who feel that their self-worth is very much tied to their work/career. This is not in my view, a sickness or illness that needs to be cured.[/quote]
True enough YC, but on the other hand there are a good many women who feel that their self-worth is very much tied to how much love and attention they are getting from their man. I don’t know if that is right or wrong, but I know that if a women feels neglected or ignored by her man, she’s either going to feel depressed about it or she’s going to go look for that love and attention elsewhere.[/quote]
That’s a two way street.
[quote=“Erhu”]
… I know that if a women feels neglected or ignored by her man, she’s either going to feel depressed about it or she’s going to go look for that love and attention elsewhere.[/quote]
And then there are those of us who would rather be alone than neglected.
Hell, some of us would rather be alone than at all. But then we get crushes and we fall for big brown eyes and next thing you know we are posting in some stupid forum about how the dipshit works too much.
Yes but many men in Taiwan are working thier butts off because many women here, base their self worth on how much dosh their man provides them for their upkeep in comsetics and fashion clothing.
Love? How much is it worth? 
[quote=“SuchAFob”]
Hell, some of us would rather be alone than at all. But then we get crushes and we fall for big brown eyes and next thing you know we are posting in some stupid forum about how the dipshit works too much.[/quote]
I would run with these thoughts a bit if I were you. We generally get exactly what we’ve put ourselves in a position to get.
Another thought for you: Some people think that directness=kindness, while others feel that they’ll give you a chance to figure things out on your own by not giving you what you want in the relationship.
[quote=“Erhu”][quote=“Yellow Cartman”]
The only other thought I’d throw in here is that there are a good many men who feel that their self-worth is very much tied to their work/career. This is not in my view, a sickness or illness that needs to be cured.[/quote]
True enough YC, but on the other hand there are a good many women who feel that their self-worth is very much tied to how much love and attention they are getting from their man. I don’t know if that is right or wrong, but I know that if a women feels neglected or ignored by her man, she’s either going to feel depressed about it or she’s going to go look for that love and attention elsewhere.[/quote]
Yes, agreed. I agree with Roach, it’s goes both ways and hence the compromise that couples need. Now, there may be long periods of time where work takes precedence. I think that’s okay. But balance is important too, and folks need to keep in mind it goes in phases. There are ups and downs, good times and bad. Phases don’t just last for days (those are mood swings), but can last for weeks, months and sometimes years…
Now the follow up question is, does this guy have any serious intentions? If he does and has shared them with you, then I think it’s legitimate that you give him a workable plan that says, if you have serious intentions with me, you need to do XYZ and show them in action. When you give him this plan, don’t give him what you think is ideal and what you want, but what can be achieved if both sides give a little to reach some middle ground. Let him know that you’re not asking specifically to be number 1 in his life because you respect his love, desire and work ethic etc but you also don’t want to be number 5 in his list because his work is more like numbers 1-4.
If he doesn’t agree to your reasonable request and course of action, then you ask him for his ideas for it. If he can’t come up with one, or if he does but can’t follow through, then I’d say you fully explore your other options.
[quote=“SuchAFob”]I am pretty sure I am going to end things with my boyfriend tomorrow. If I can even get him a) on the phone or get him to leave his work long enough for me to talk to him.
Thing is, I really don’t want to. But I need to. I know it will end anyways. And I know why and how. He works too much. He neglects me. He doesn’t return my phone calls half the time, he hasn’t stayed over but twice this month. I know he is busy, but I know others who are also busy. Who are as busy. Who spend only about an hour a week with their women, but an hour a week is still an hour a week more than I get. So yeah, I really should leave.
So here is the question:
When you love someone, but the relationship is shit; when you really love the person and don’t want to hurt them; when you want to at least stay friends, how do you end it?
Second question:
I know he is going to tell me he will change (which he won’t). I know he will ask me to stay (and I know I should not). How do you keep the strength to stand your ground?
I know he will give me excuses. he always has so many of them. and they are always good excuses. but I really think that if he really wanted to be with me, he would work out the excuses, get through the shit, and be with me. Since it is clear to me that I am his last priority.
Blah. Any advice on how to do this without becoming a crying mess? I am not very good at the entire breakup thing. Not all that experienced in it. Most of my relationships have been very long and died due to school, work, both, location, or other such.[/quote]
Kinda like the question, “How do I stop smoking?”
Wish I had the answer for you sweetie. Do what you think is right and stick by it. You happiness in the long run is the real issue here. can he make you happy in the long run? What is it exactly that you want.
I’m going to cough and have another cigarette now. I’m not as strong as you…
Quitting smoking was easy. That Smoke Away shit that you can buy on the net REALLY works. I didn’t even crave after 4 days. Gained 40 lbs. But didn’t crave.
Shit, only 40lbs… how much are you going to gain when you buy that Away With Boyfriend Blues gel…?
I thought you knew his work would go on for a short time like this. Stick it out… the months will pass slowly but the years just fly by… 
[quote=“Satellite TV”]
Shit, only 40lbs… how much are you going to gain when you buy that Away With Boyfriend Blues gel…?[/quote]
Well I think that is considerred losing 70kg
[quote=":P"]
I thought you knew his work would go on for a short time like this. Stick it out… the months will pass slowly but the years just fly by… 
[/quote]
Now you sound like my mom…
What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
I’ve walked away when I applesolutely did not want to. But I looked at it this way: Should I go or should I stay? In ten years will I be the happy shiny beautiful person I yam or will I be asking myself this question again? If I am not 100% posimative that I will be a happy shiny beautiful person, then I walk.
Walk and don’t look back!
Hey, sex could be the only thing on your mind when making these decisions. All the good times, oh s/he was so sweet on our anniversary! S/he knows my favorite ice cream flavor! I love the thing s/he does with her/his tongue! Etc etc.
Trust me, a year from now you people will look back and laugh and wonder why you ever worried so much in the first place.
Fob, to me it seems like you’ve made clear the amount of attention you need from a boyfriend, but your man hasn’t met your requirements? Considering how much time he puts into his work, maybe this just isn’t the right time for him to be involved with anyone? Why wait for him to make time for you when you can go out there and look for someone who can?
Sometimes it’s better to be on your own and unattached, rather than attached and alone. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best!