If your reaction to seeing a friend of yours shagging your girlfriend is to think “What was it that I did wrong?” and not “How the hell could he do that to me?” or “How the hell could she sleep with my friend?”, well, your reaction would be different than mine.[/quote]
Another example of a forumosan that can’t read or process English.
Who mentioned a friend being the other guy?[/quote]
Don’t worry. I understand that the subtleties of American English can be difficult for a Brit. I mentioned the other guy being a friend when I said earlier in the thread.
By “guy I knew,” I meant some acquaintance or friend who knew that I was going out with this girl. If some friend were to do that to me, yes, he’d be going to a hospital no matter how big he was. I’d like to think that of all the people who I consider friends, that they’d at least have the common courtesy to not screw my (hypothetical) girlfriend. But I guess you never know.
If, on the other hand, I were to walk in on my SO with someone I didn’t know at all, honestly, I wouldn’t really feel any anger at the guy.
I agree that any issues in a romantic relationship should be pro-actively dealt with by both parties. But if the problem is so bad that one partner is straying, then that partner should have the figurative balls to end the relationship.
I’ve never had to deal with this problem either. I was treating this whole thing as a hypothetical. Sort of like “What would you do if someone held a gun to your head and told you to rape your mother?” An interesting if perverse exercise in hypothetical thinking.
[quote=“gao_bo_han”]
Yes, but it’s a tacit assumption there will be no cheating, at least once the relationship matures. [/quote]
On the contrary, as more time goes by the more chances of cheating occurs. It is just at that point the cheater is so familar with the habits of their SO, that the SO doesn’t suspect. Not to mention the longer the relationship the more forgiving SO will be on the cheater if caught.
Because the man in question is immature, young, or inexperience. A real man ( ) would just blame himself for not being wiser to influence the situation to his advantage.
It’s like a car accident. Sometime it really isn’t your fault. But most of the time it is just because you were unaware. Can’t blame anyone else for not being aware.
I am much more cynical. But then again, I’m a writer. So it’s by nature. A non-cynical writer is like a wimpy sports star. This AC guy…what excuse does he have? He’s mid-level, middle-management guy in a corporation…run, Rabbit, run. (He’s too illiterate in American culture - as are 99% of Americans - to get that reference. Which says a lot about how sad American culture is these days).
Well I’m a technical writer but it’s hard to be get that “edge” when I’m describing the voting logic of a four channel sensor circuit. I also wrote a novel, but it’s not Norman Mailer in your face American reality type stuff, so not much edge there either. I guess I’ll leave the “real” writing to you cynics.
At least we can agree that you can’t be a writer unless you read John Updike.
So if you cheat it’s her fault and if she cheats it’s her fault. Hmmm, it’s never your fault, that’s a great attitude pal. I suspect you are from the school of thought that only likes to take responsibility when it’s the good kind. I wonder if the women having low self esteem is the cause or the effect?[/quote]
I don’t blame the women for my cheating, I did that all on my own. Looking at the situations in retrospect, I think they should have left me for cheating on them. I am saying that if a woman cheated on me I would blame her and I would leave the relationship. I think you misunderstood.
Contrary to your assumption, I am a very responsible person and take the blame for a lot of things. I wouldn’t be a leader if I didn’t take responsibility for my actions, decisions, and my subordinates actions and decisions.
I’ve been trudging through Updike’s “Terrorist” for weeks now. Whatever mojo the man had 40 years ago is long long gone. :raspberry:
oh and on topic: cheating seems to be a way to passive aggressively break up. If you don’t want to get caught, you won’t. Cheating with someone in your own house is not accidental. Why not just make a video and leave it in the dvd player.
The guy, the one being cheated on, should be grateful. Freedom is not so usually restored.
As long as it doesn’t involve me in any negative press, I’m okay.
I think I’ve posted enough about the weird perspective my SO has.
For those in long term relationship I think they can attest to the fact suspicion of cheating is sometimes even better than actually cheating. Creates a little tension in the relationship that translates well into the bedroom.
The goal in my opinion is managing that sexual tension, which is most important. Others of course put faithfulness and being beyond reproach as most important.
Don’t worry. I understand that the subtleties of American English can be difficult for a Brit. I mentioned the other guy being a friend when I said earlier in the thread.
Well, that puts a different slant on things. I’ll shut up now.
Does this mean we’re breaking up? Can you forgive me?
Then again, your first reaction, and what you would actually do is probably two different things. I’d probably want to cut his johnson off (being angry and all that) and if I caught them red handed I probably would lash out physically. Other than that, if not catching them red handed, and having time to reflect, I would also probably realise the betrayal is hers and deal with that (and leave other people’s dangly bits alone).
I would never be able to trust her again, and as such the relationship would be over. I can’t conceive of a situation where I’d be able to continue in a relationship where such a breach of trust has taken place.
I think what HGC said (above) holds true in the sense that as men we feel we want, or need, to lash out. Doing so against a woman isn’t the done thing, so we lash out at the guy. Logic and who is to blame doesn’t really enter the argument when all you see is red.
But to be totally honest, I’ve never been in a situation like that. It’s all just so much speculation. If something like that were to happen I have no idea how I would react. I may just walk away. I think it’s easy to speculate from the safety of a computer, but when you’re in that situation with all the emotions that accompany it, your reaction may be very different from what even you imagine it might be…
[quote=“Loretta”]Perhaps a smarter response would be to ask yourself why she cheated instead of blaming some complete stranger for your own inability to satisfy whatever part of her led her to do this.
The conclusion should be that either YOU need to change in order to make her not want to stray, or you need to change HER. Trade her in for someone whose expectations match your qualities, or else chain her up and never let her out unescorted. The other guy is irrelevant, in most cases.[/quote]
That’s all good and well untill you come home to find some guy sweating between the thighs of the object of your affections. Complex emotions will come to the fore and I doubt your first reaction will be, “hmmm… What did I do to cause this behaviour? I say, after you’re finished shall we have a genteel cup of tea in the kitchen and have a civilised talk about this?”
And the argument about the guy being bigger than you is fairly irrelevant. Being bigger doesn’t guarantee anything. I know plenty of “smaller” guys who you wouldn’t want to catch you shagging their missus’.
As long as it doesn’t involve me in any negative press, I’m okay.[/quote]
Well that’s understandable, as I’m sure the CCP doesn’t want you involved in any public fiascos. By the way, do your handlers know how much time you spend online talking politics? Or is that your main duty?
[quote=“Bob Weir with Kingfish”]
I feel you breathing in the shadows of my mind
Warm and willing to make your future mine
Jump, jump for joy
You’re right on time
Gentle fingers, they beat on my ear drums
I feel the rhythm, Lord, take her as she comes
Jump, jump for joy [color=red]Run rabbit, run[/color]
Ooh, ooh, yeah
Ooh, ooh, hey, hey, yeah
Coming back to Frisco, ooh yeah, jump for joy
We’re coming back to Frisco, ooh yeah, jump for joy
Hey, come on and run away (run away), hey hey hey, jump for joy
Na na na na na na, don’t want to run away, hey, jump for joy
Come on, come one, don’t wanna run away
I feel you breathing in the shadows of my mind
Warm and willing to make your future mine
I wanna jump, jump for joy[/quote]
As long as it doesn’t involve me in any negative press, I’m okay.[/quote]
Well that’s understandable, as I’m sure the CCP doesn’t want you involved in any public fiascos. By the way, do your handlers know how much time you spend online talking politics? Or is that your main duty? [/quote]
Not to mention it throws the handlers off the porn sites I surf.
The DPP funds told me to post about Taiwan centric topics.
If cheating on SO’s and claiming not to cheat is not fundimental to Taiwan culture, I don’t know what is.
The barber, the spa, the love hotels, the domestic help, the Friday clubs, the KTV clubs, the 2 year require conscription, the language exchange, the theme cafe, the binlang stalls…And that’s just walking down one block.
The barber, the spa, the love hotels, the domestic help, the Friday clubs, the KTV clubs, the 2 year require conscription, the language exchange, the theme cafe, the binlang stalls…And that’s just walking down one block.
If this isn’t a cheaters paradise…[/quote]
Depends on your perspective. If I were going to cheat, I’d rather it be with women I didn’t have to pay for.
Another example of a forumosan that can’t read or process English.
I mentioned the other guy being a friend when I said earlier in the thread.
) would just blame himself for not being wiser to influence the situation to his advantage.
