I’ve been lurking around the forum and after reading the virgin discussion post I was quite surprised on the opinions about the matter.
So now I am curious to know what is the thought on dating a woman who has a kid.
Completely independent (financially, emotionally etc) woman with a kid (but already grown up). Woman is still young (relativity much hahaha) and the child is a teen. The kid spend time mostly with father though and school schedule leaves little to almost no real time to interaction. How do men see that as a dating prospect?
Normally I see no problem in the dating scenario, but after seen the American girl-Taiwanese guy discussion I am so curious to know more. Maybe people date but still have thoughts under the skin that goes against the fact?
The other day a video popped up on my YouTube feed the title was ‘Why you should NEVER date a woman with a kid’. Fair enough, I thought, let’s give it a try and give him my view on my drive to work. So I listened to it all (or almost all of it). He mostly said that women with kids are the scum of the earth, second hand used stuff, worth of nothing. I won’t even link the video because it was very aggressive. Not language, per se, but the whole idea of it being the supreme truth above all.
So here it goes: would you date someone in the condition above? Why or why not?
My opinion is don’t do it. I’m sure others will disagree. She might be a wonderful person, but there are plenty of other wonderful women in a world with around 4 billion of them without a kid.
More times or not, the father isn’t around for a reason. And motherhood generally takes a toll on the female body for better or worse. It’s just the reality. She also had responsibilities beyond you. And you might have to take on some of that responsibility for not even your own child.
If you can disregard all the negatives, I guess do what makes you happy as it’s your life. But it’s how I look at it. There are plenty of women without the extra baggage and just as wonderful. Relationships are already hard enough, this makes it another challenge. How to deal with the ex, how to be a father to the kid if at all, etc.
Totally understand it and that’s true,there are many nice women out there who have no kids, as long as the core values you are looking for are there of course it is going to be a different relationship.
Motherhood brings more responsibility, but not only on the parenting side, a good mother will not be playing around, cheating, jumping from one guy to the next because, if this is a grounded person, she will not want that anymore. I find mother’s also less selfish in relationships (again, comparing responsible people here).
Also, motherhood, as you said, takes a toll even if slightly on the female body, but it can be recovered and if based on most of the health careless young people females, a mother can still have better shape than a woman who has no kids. This is more true with mothers who had their kid when in a young age.
As for the father not around can be because the woman was a psycho or many negative things. It can also be because the father was a serial cheater or such a bad person she left.
In the particular case I wrote woman married during her university years and found out was being cheated multiple times so divorce followed shortly after. Kid stays with father because… Taiwan. in This case the man’s attitude that made break down the marriage will bring a lot of trouble to her in your view.
Between 9 and 30% of children are genetically unrelated to the, unknowing, father. So, almost a third of us could be dating a woman with kid that isn’t ours.
I think for me it would be no because I am not ready to take on that kind of responsibility and do want my own biological children as well, that is, in the future.
The first half of this makes sense, but you’ve lost me in the second half. Just cuz a woman had one kid already doesn’t mean she can’t have some more with you. Unless she doesn’t want to, or got her tubes tied, or whatever. But most mothers are perfectly capable of producing more offspring. If anything, her having had the first one proves her fertility.
Unfortunate she doesn’t see her kid much, maybe 30% of the year and very long in between. The kid is too busy with school and all and lives with the father. In my case if she hadn’t told me about the kid early it would take so long to find out because we date, travel and all and the kid is mostly with the father. She makes a very good chunk of money, is very nice looking and intelligent. Of course I see she plans for the child financially etc (she has investments in the child’s name to hand to the child and adult age come etc). So yes, there are of course more thoughts going on than with my previously since relationships with other women. In this case, although it might sound weird, but her kid is not very involved in her life and vice versa. Unfortunately mostly is because the school, the kid has classes everyday whole day even Saturday.
I feel very comfortable with her and am enjoying it all. The relationship is tougher though. She is very determined in all she does, she plays hard and works hard. Even in extreme fun trips she is very into the moment, but not being taken away by it. She will have the most fun I have seen a woman having but she will estate clearly that she time to have fun is for that, and time to take things seriously is also for that.
She is not Taiwanese though, so I guess the point of view is different since here is also not her country. I already feel pressure being a foreigner I can only imagine her pressure being a foreigner, woman, and mother.
I am reading the other threads linked above and guess I am curious because in this case she doesn’t live with the child all the time. It is not like the other mom’s desperate for dating or finding a father for their kid. I could live with her for several months and not know about the kid if she wanted. Luckily she told me beforehand. I imagine if you have to take a little kid and parent it would be Much more difficult.
As for the religious side, when I talk to my Christian friends many frown upon me being with her even though the child custody is the fathers and he cheated on her and that displaced their short lived marriage. Basically the guy married a young and naive beautiful woman (The was a significant age gap) and then thought he could continue trying it all.
Now he is still in this serial dating dating many almost teen women and never settling down. I met him before, he seems like a nice guy for a friend but definitely not good for dating/marrying. He has this fetiche with foreign women. The kid is cool, busy as Taiwan kids can be but nice and polite and funny too. Mother and kid look like sisters so I don’t have the burden of feeling I am raising or parenting another man’s kid.
Now, if it was a little baby or small child I guess I would feel it heavily.
terrible maths there. 8 billion people, so 4 billion women. Of that 4 billion you have to deduct all the mothers and all the women too old or to young to date. At a stretch 1 billion fish in the sea?
There’s something about having gone through some difficulties in life and come out on top that makes a person better in every way. Compared to a person who has had everything given to him or her and not had to struggle with any real issues. Better in every way. That may or may not be the case with this woman with a kid. Just something to consider.
